Sacko Bowl 4: The Silver Ball Bag of Truth

 

 

Week 10 Recap

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just so you know, you missed out on a gem of an opening picture this week.  Oh well, there is always next week:

 

 

 

 

 

 

It is that time of the year again.  The time where the recap gets (slightly) more serious.  When we start to make sense out of who is poised to do what in the playoffs and who is set to slob knob in the Sacko Bowl.  But first things first . . .

 

 

SACKO CIVIL WAR UPDATE

 

 

YOUNGS

 

6,173.42 PTS

 

 

vs

 

OLDS

 

 

6,441.18 PTS

 

 

 

So let's get to this week's edition of Hungry Hungry Homos.  Tell tales of forced intercourse.  #BEEFQUEEF .  I better stop it before I get called out for ripping off Tosh, next thing you know we'll have a SACK.o Recap and Ed's feelings will really end up getting hurt:

 

                                    

 

 

 

 

6.)

#5 Skipler (6-4) 137.10 pts

>

#6 Beats By Ray (5-5) 88.10 pts

 

 

 

JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!

 

 

 

Hey BBR!  YOU BLEW IT!!!  We were counting on you!  AND NOW SKIPLER IS IN 5TH PLACE!

 

 

Skipler makes an interesting move monopolizing on a RBBC.  Don't you know that Running Back By Committees are the worst things in Fantasy Football other than the Injured Reserve? Or looking at your team to begin with when you are Larry Villains!?

 

 

For the most part, BBR's players were boring this week in the world of GIF highlights . . . So here is a picture of an Enoksen getting attacked by the Seattle Seahawk:

 



 

 

Skipler Outlook:  Skipler at 6-4 currently sits at 5th place but owns a tiebreaker against every other team in the league based on Total Points Forced/ Forced Insertions.  Chances are Skipler is landing in the real playoffs, but here's hoping a 6-7 finish in 3 more weeks.  Next week has an interesting match up in store for Mein Kunt, as Skipler goes against fellow shenaniganer Reverse Cowgirls.  It is a win- win for the league as either the league's #1 ranked team or #1 highest scorer has to lose.

 

 

One things for certain.  At the end of the day, they are both tied with EJ for number one in our hearts!



 

 

BBR Outlook:  Currently in the midst of a 3 game losing streak after a league shifting upset against Sope Pro.  BBR is one of a few teams that truly sits in the middle of a real- playoff berth, or a Sacko Bowl reverse b(I)erth.

 

(remember this one!? a reverse birth/ berth, when the baby goes back inside the vag!!!)

 

 

 

 

5.)

#9 Twatty (3-7) 86.12 pts

<

#2 Sope Pro (8-2) 132.88 pts

 

 

JR says: 0 Barn Burners!

 

 

Let me start this one off by saying FUCK KELVIN BENJAMIN!  All he had to do was not catch TWO GARBAGE TIME TD BOMBS and Sope Pro would have had the High Score this week.

 

 

 

Twatty continues his R- Tarded season as only an Eli- level R- Tard could:

 

 

 

 

Things were bad this week for RTardy, I mean Twatty.  So for that, you get a sad FATBOY SLICE!!!!!

 

 

 

Sope Pro Outlook:  At 8-2, a virtual, but not a technical, lock for the real playoffs.  However, the 2nd of 2 1st round bye spots race is a different story.  Currently sitting one outside of first, Sope Pro only leads the rest of the pack for second by one game.  After this week's matchup against a part of that pack, Polk High (7-3) Sope Pro enjoys a match up vs 2 teams that have a combined 4 wins this season!

 

Twatty Outlook:  At 3-7, Twatty is sitting pretty . . . in the race to avoid a Sacko 1st Round Bye!  There is no chance to make the real playoffs for Twatty but on the bright side, it is a 4 team stumble to avoid the 2 Sacko byes and Twatty has one more win than the other 3 tards with 2 wins each.

 

 

 

4.)

#3 Butt Fumblers (7-3) 102.66 pts

>

#10 I Love Morphine! (2-8) 63.94 pts

 

 

JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!

 

 

Morphine finds themselves right at home in the Sacko Bye race against two other 2-8's and a 3-7 and The Butt Fumbler's finds yet another easy win.  I can't be all mean to the Butt Fumbler's, who are still hanging on at #3, so I will let Rex Ryan motivate from here on out:

 

 

I especially can't be mean to Morphine/ Cruzin/ name changes are annoying and this is your last warning before you become Dickhead2 . . . Because our resident Kim Kardashian stepped it up tonight.  As you read on, you are either filling with dread or anticipation because you already know what is coming next . . .

 

 

. . .

 

 

 

 

. . .

 

 

 

 

. . .

 

 

 

Ed FartAssian:

 

<3 <3 <3 <3<3 Ed

 

Butt Fumblers Outlook: Great shot for the playoffs barring a devastating "dark cloud" turn of events with 7 wins, 3 losses.  Very alive in the hunt for a real first round bye.

 

Morphine Outlook: Has the most points out of all the 2- win teams so there's that.  Right in the middle of the 4 team Sacko Slopfest to avoid a Sacko 1st round bye.

 

 

 

3.)

#8 Victorious Secret (4-6) 98.80 pts

<

#4 Polk High Panthers (7-3) 119.82 pts

 

 

JR Says: 1 Barn Burner!

 

 

 

 

VS is somehow alive after losing the 6th of the season and, oh god I just saw Ed's hairy nut sack on the group text. . .writer's block. . .stall for content:

 

 

No, No, No, No . . . losing it.

 

 

 

 

. . .Must redeem myself with an unrelated South Park diversion. . .

 

This is going to be hard to believe . . .

 

. . . but none of this is real, you are trapped in a virtual world and this recap is just a computer program.

 

 

Fuck youuuuuuuu,

 

 

 

Polk High Outlook:  Huge matchup next week as #2 plays #4 and #4 is only one win behind #2.  So, yeah!  PHP has a great shot of making the playoffs but a 1st round bye looks tough because  PHP currently sits more than 150 pts behind #2 Sope Pro and more than 100 pts below #3 Butt Fumblers.  Tie- breakers are out the window with the top 3 teams (and Skipler).

 

VS Outlook: Probably the most difficult team to decipher.  At 4-6, VS can finish 7-6 with 3 wins and have a shot at the playoffs as their Points Forced are not devastatingly lower than the next 3 (out of 4, dammit Skipler, making things difficult.) teams.  Can also lose one or 3 of the next 3 and end up as a higher- seed in the Sacko Bowl.

 

 

 

 

2.)

#1 The Reverse Cow Girls (9-1)  127.10 pts

>

#11 The Negro Sailfish (2-8) 119.14 pts

 

 

JR Says: 2 Barn Burners!

 

 

 

 

 

Poor, poor Negro Sailfish, the man always holding him down.  Even after a 4 TD Marshawn Lynch Sack- tapping.  Here we see the New York Giants doing their best bowling pin impressions (insert your own mental sound clip of bowling pins getting knocked over):

 

 

 

Meanwhile, Super Taco Who Comes From The Future remains in first place:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hey look!  Here is some of Johnny E's inbreed offspring right now over in London taking in the Cowboy's overseas game vs the Jag's.  They can't really comprehend what the name of their father's favorite team means though.  "YAAAYYY WE LIKE COW- BOYZ YAAAAYY!"

 

 

 

And here is The Reverse Cow Girls Ambiguously Gay Quarterback.  "Jeezus Chriiist!!":

 

 

 

RCG Outlook: The only team that truly controls its own destiny (duuuuhhhhh!)at #1, 9-1, 1 game ahead of the next best, 2 games up on the 3 and 4. Here is where it gets exciting as The Cowgirls face the EXTENZE GAUNLET as they go up against every other old man in the league in the last 3 weeks.  Duh Duh Duhhhhhhhh!

 

NS Outlook: Right in the middle of the bottom 4 team's clusterfuck that you have already heard about twice before, earlier in the recap.  IF my math is correct, you will hear one more time.

 

 

1.)

#7 Dickhead (5-5) 95.98 pts

<

#12 Larry Villains (2-8) 112.38 pts

 

 

JR Says: 2 Barn Burners!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dickhead is currently sporting a 3 game losing streak.  2 of the 3 of those losses were legitimate upsets. 

 

This one is for the old men that are reading this right now after calling "BEER!" at the Portly on Friday afternoon. I need everyone to start staring at EJ and start banging on the bar.  Repeat after me:

 

 

SACK-O BOWL!

 

SACK-O BOWL!

 

SACK-O BOWL!!!!

 

 

It doesn't get worse than when your QB throws a sweet Touch Down. . . and it ends up in the hands of your opponents 1st round pick:

 

 

 

 

Dickhead Outlook: 3 game L streak kills sure fire playoff aspirations but he can still get in the hard way.  The Colin Kaepernick Tattoo/ Forced Insertion/ Johnny E's Thoroughbred Bitches way. 

 

Larry Villains Outlook: N/A

 

 

 

 

 

Just a friendly reminder, when the Sacko Bowl was  first created there was a rule put in place to recognize history.  If you score the most points, finish in 1st, and win the championship then the playoffs and championship title will be renamed to your real name.  For example, two years ago I had the most points and finished the season in first but ended up in 4th place.  Had I won the championship, you'd be playing for the Hope Trophy in the Brian Hope Invitational.

 

Here is why this matters.

 

The same rules apply, but in reverse, for the Sacko tournament.  This is recognize a historically shitty team.

 

Right now here are the 3 criteria for Larry Villains:



 

 

 

Least Points =  CHECK

 

Last Place =  CHECK

 

Sacko Winner = TBD

 

 

 

Now in all honesty, I rushed this last segment.  This is because I have to get to the true main event of this recap.  Just when you thought you have seen enough of naked Ed tonight, Holly and I teamed up to bring you this priceless gem:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here is the original for you old fucks out there:

 

 

To kick off next week, Ed has already agreed to reenact Kim's frontal shots: