Week 12 Recap/ Playoff Preview Part 2 of 2

Week 12 High Scorer:

Beats By Ray - 164.6

Sacko Civil War Update:

Team Skipler- 7,545.9 pts

Team Sacko/ Sope- 7,625.9 pts

Here is a shorthand breakdown on the state of the league, a Spoilers Section if you will:

- Sope Pro and Brees Nuts are safe for the playoffs, but not guaranteed a 1st round bye.

- Ed Fartassian is locked in for a Sacko Bye unless he wins and Larry and Dickhead loses and he beats the highest scorer between the two by +80 pts, not going to happen).

- Realistically, there is a 2 way fight to get out of the 2nd Sacko Bye between Dickhead and Larry and they are only 3 points apart should each team both win or loss this week.

- Here is where it gets messy.  There are 7 teams fighting for 4 playoff spots not already taken by Sope or Brees Nuts.  Here is a quick breakdown, I'll get deeper in the actual recap.

• #3 Taco Enoksen 7-5 (second highest points forced of these 7 teams.)
• #4 Polk high 7-5 (third highest points forced of these 7 teams.)
• #5 Victorious Secret 7-5 (Plays #6 Beats By Ray this week)
• #6 BBR 6-6 (Highest points forced of these 7 teams)
• -----------Playoffs Cut - Off-------------
• #7 Skipler 6-6 (currently does not hold a tiebreaker via points forced against any teams ahead of him, definitely needs a W and some help or a Beats By Ray loss)
• #8 Butt Fumblers 6-6 (see Skipler's note, but also needs Skipler to lose.)
• #9 Twatty 6-6 (Needs a W and an absolute miracle, will lose on tiebreakers vs every team ahead of them.)

6.) #6 Beats By Ray (6-6) 164.6 pts > 

#8 The Butt Fumblers (6-6)89.6 pts

JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!

We start off with this recap's PUSSY CRUSHING OF THE WEEK:

Congrats to Beats By Ray so far, our league's 2nd highest scorer!

This was a tough one to lose for The Butt Fumblers and it is seeming more and more like this is the season that got away due to Leveon Bell and Keenan Allen's feeble knees.  At least you have a reunion with Donte Manqueef (sorry I wanted to say Manqueef at least one more time).

And do not worry Christopher Wirth, my super secret special plans for you and Ed are back on track and I definitely did not forget!  I could show you a rough draft of my plans but I don't want to take away from the shock and awe of the final product!  And yes, there will be man on man butt stuff.

BBR Outlook:  Although BBR has scored a lot of points, they are not safe for a playoff spot.  With 3 teams looking to jump BBR for the 6th spot (if he losses) this is basically a "win and you are in" situation.  If not, BBR will need losses by Skipler, Butt Fumblers, and yes, even Twatty.  But if BBR wins, they can go as high as 3rd place and start singing: LOCK IT UP- LOCK IT UP. . .LOCK. IT. UP!

The Butt Fumblers Outlook: Really tough draw vs the high scorer this week even though your team did not really show up anyway.  In a lose and you are out situation.  You need a win and for Victorious Secret to beat Beats By Ray, and for Skipler to lose, OR you need Skipler to score 12 points less if you both win.  Just worry about beating Polk High this week and count your lucky stars that it looks like Gronk may be out, if I were you, I would cock block him by adding Scott Chandler, whoops too late. You have to stay ahead of the curb here.

5.) #1 Sope Pro (8-4) 132.6 pts >

#7 Skipler (6-6) 90.1 pts

JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!

You and Calvin Shenanigans Johnson can both suck it.

I have been saying for weeks now that Skipler needs to be put down.  And how does that old saying go?  If you want someone fucked, you need to fuck them yourself?  Well in that case, I just fucked Skipler to death (or at least out of the playoffs, I am speaking metaphorically here so don't get jealous Johnny E).  

Hopefully for me, this will be Sope Pro in the playoffs this year:

Sope Pro Outlook: Still at #1 and realistically (but not mathematically) can only be jumped by #2- Weeks, therefore falling to #2 as Sope Pro holds a 60 point, a 90 point, and a 140 point tie- breaker over the teams that are 1 win below Sope.  If Sope Pro beats Larry this week and scores more than BBR, then he will be in contention for a name change for the Championship belt, but it is only a matter of time until Sope Pro chokes in the playoffs.

Skipler Outlook: Just like Wirty, Skipler really needed this one.  Skipler is only the 5th highest scorer out of the 7 teams fighting for 4 spots.  He needs to win and have Victorious Secret beat BBR with a Butt Fumblers loss OR a Butt Fumblers win, but Skipler cannot score less than 12 points compared to the Butt Fumblers **catches breath (this was really a warm up for the amount of stipulations that Twatty needs to make the playoffs).  There is a very real chance that this will be the first time Skipler goes Sacko- Bowling, AND he is out of draft picks next year due to Dickhead BS trades.  Score!

4.) #5 Victorious Secret (7-5) 116.1 pts >

#3 Reverse Cow Girls (7-5) 80.0 pts

JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!

Good to see that my hexing/ reverse hexing powers still work (I'm talking about you here, Maclin and Rex Ryan surprisingly holding back from throwing the challenge flag!)

VS Outlook: A win this week vs monstrous Beats By Ray and VS has a long shot at a playoff bye, but will then lock up a playoff spot.  A loss and she is still alive but will need some luck as the 2 wins over .500 help, but her overall points forced are only 28 points ahead of Skipler.  So, a loss and getting bumped from the real playoffs due to a tie- breaker is still realistic.

Reverse Cow Girls Outlook:  In 3rd place and has the 3rd highest points forced in the league.  To make things better, RCG plays Ed this week.  A win and a Week's loss will get RCG a 1st round bye and they are realistically safe from missing the playoffs even if they lose this week.

4.) #9 Twatty (6-6) 122.9 pts > #10 Just Chill (4-8) 106.4 pts

JR Says: 1 Barn Burner!

Twatty with their best performance of the year and at the (2nd) most important time!  Most likely this will just help with Sacko Bowl chances, but the Twatts is still alive!  

To add insult to injury, if Larry won this week, he would not be mathematically eliminated from the playoffs (but would never in a 1,000 years make it anyway.)

Larry's season both on the fantasy and really real real-life grid iron:

https://www.facebook.com/GIRLSLIKEFOOTBALL2/videos/828832547234079/

Just Chill Outlook: Sacko bound.  Needs a Win and a Dickhead loss or needs to outscore Dickhead with currently having only a 3 point lead on Dickhead, otherwise JC will start the post season on a Sacko Bye.

Twatty Outlook:

    

Ok, Sope you prepared for this. . . In order to make the playoffs, Twatty needs:

1- A Win vs Dickhead (by far the easiest part, suck it Jansson!)

2- Needs Victorious Secret to beat Beats by Ray.

3- Needs Brees Nuts to beat Skipler.

4- Needs Polk High to beat the Butt Fumblers

 OR

1- Needs a win and one of #2-#4 to happen  

2- Must score around 300 points this week.

OR 

1- Needs all 7-5 teams to lose.

2- Must score around 300 points this week.

2.) #11 Dickhead (4-8) 99.9 pts > #12 Ed Fartassian (3-9) 91.9 pts

JR Says: 2 Barn Burners!

EJ to ED: Open a bank account with your mouth so that I can deposit my dick in it.  This was a meaningful one, but not for the right reasons and that is the only reason this was not the week's main event.  Also, this was a match up of our 2 resident cum junkies so there is that.  

Don't forget, the Sacko Trophy is a metaphoric way to say "you got fucked in the ass" and it is going to be in someone's living room. Just picture the Jansson holiday party with that thing spinning around.  Josana!

Ed Outlook: Pretty much guaranteed a 1st Round Sacko Bye, can only contribute points to the Sacko Civil War this week.  It would be pretty tough to finish ahead of either Larry or Dickhead if they lose and Fartassian wins.

Dickhead Outlook: Sacko Bowling this year and he sold his soul banking that he can get one win in the next few weeks.  Needs a Win and a Larry loss OR needs to beat Larry on a tiebreaker if they both win or lose.  Dickhead currently has 3 points less than Larry on the season so the coveted #10 spot is up for grabs.

1.) #2 Brees Nuts, Got 'Em (8-4) 125.2 pts >

#4 Polk High Panthers (7-5) 119.4 pts

JR Says: 2 Barn Burners

So close Travis Benjamin, so close.  I think that Polk High would have won this if the Ravens did not have a kick- six walk off on MNF.  Either that or the big- time Gronk injury:

  

I will go ahead and say this, I think this one was a bit of an upset even though their records were the same.  

Brees Nuts Outlook:  A win vs Skipler this week and a 1st round bye it is and Skip is out of the playoffs, everybody wins at least a little (except Skip).  A loss this week and then a win by Taco, Polk High, or Victorious Secret (who needs to finish with +3 points over Weeks) and Brees Nuts will be out of a 1st round bye.

Polk High Outlook:  In good shape for the playoffs.  A win this week vs the Butt Fumblers and a Brees Nuts loss and a Taco loss = a 1st round bye.  A loss and Polk High can realistically go as low as #6 unless something insane happens.