Week 6 Recap

Working together to create a completely Shameless America

It's about time you all stop R- Tard shaming Chuck Pagano for this play.

Well, if you have not noticed, I have been kind of rushing the recap.  The intros have been better than the match up recaps.  I'm in a mid- season lull and already used my Bye- week, goddammit.  To make things worse, I am down a Photo- shopper and proof reader tonight and I did not have a chance to start typing until after Thursday Night Football kicked off, woe is fucking- me.  So, I am asking for your help to get me back on track next week.  I am debuting two new segments.

First off, we have The Fireman Ed Photoshop Contest!  You hate him, I hate him, let's make him look like a giant dick with balls/ giant scrotum/ magical fairy/ butthole. . . the possibilities are endless.  

I will buy the winner a beer next time I go out drinking with them and you will earn unlimited street cred through your peers.

Second idea, the Old Man Ranting Corner.  This was an old man's idea a few weeks ago but I will open it up to everyone.  Text me or email me ( bsope316@gmail.com ).  My thoughts are, this will realistically go two ways so we will keep it to that theme:

1- EJ  rants and raves and carries on about "Fuckin Millenials" and how everyone is a pussy and won't trade him for his second harvest and about how "in my day if you couldn't get a boner you would just mash it in because we didn't have Cialis wahhhh" as if that is everyone else's problem and not just his! 

2- Everyone else rants about how much of a Dickhead EJ is and how he has become a pussy in his old age (being the voice of reason and telling Full Bill he has to calm down? 

C'MON MAN!)

Sacko Civil War!

Team Skipler: 3,836.1 pts

- Skipler

- EJ Dickhead

- Fern

- Tommy 

- Dark Cloud Wirty

- Gwatty

Team Sacko: 3,811.1 pts

- Ed Fartassian

- JE Red Hulk

- Bhope

- Holly

- Once a year Weeks

- Larry Villains

Lead change! (for those keeping track)  Mostly due to:

Weekly High Scorer!

Beats By Ray 

163.6 pts

(wtf, I put up 153 + pts and didn't get HS!? double- hamburgers.)

6.) #9 Beats By Ray (2-4) 163.6 pts > #5 Run and Hyde (4-2) 75.4 pts

JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!

Whelp, high scores make for boring match ups says Good Ol' JR. Especially when you more than double your opponent's score.  Come on Weeks!!! You got beat like a government mule, consider that mud hole stomped dry.  Your team looks like one giant mud hole.  As in Josh- sized mud hole, as in try getting that god- awful image out of your head!  Fuckin JR.  That's a good way to get your mojo back, talk about 400 lb poopy buttholes!  That'll really get the crowd going. (don't worry Weeks if history holds true, you'll have some sweet performances this week coming up)

On the other side of the match up, what the fuck does it take for Tommy D to actually win a game?  163.6.  The correct answer is, it takes 163.6 points for Tommy D to win a game.

It might be time to consider a a QB change Weeks . . .

Too bad big dumb Frankenstein blocks do not equal Fantasy Points.

(This GIF co- starring Ed's new prime time playa RB, Go Ed!)

5.) #3 Polk High Panthers (4-2) 117.1 pts > 

#11 Ed Fartassian (1-5)77.6 pts

JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!

The good news for Polk High is that they won and are 4-2.  The bad news, half the league is also 4-2.  How can he display his domiñance (Cesar Milan accent) when everyone else keeps winning!?

The bad news for Ed is that he lost.  The other bad news is that he looks like he is headed for a Sacko Rematch vs The Hairy Larrys (that name is still real to me dammit!)  Good thing someone actually has some balls and was willing to trade a big time Yo- Anus Cespedes Player (the 1st pick of the draft, Dez Buttahs Bryant) for some future prospects and cash consideration (you didn't hear that last part, move along, nothing to see here).

4.) #1 Sope Pro (4-2) 153.5 pts >

#7 The Butt Fumblers (3-3) 118.1 pts

JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!

In this week's edition of THE NFL DOESN'T EVEN KNOW THEIR OWN FUCKING RULES, this was a TD Catch (for Wirty's bench I may add):

Sope Pro already looking forward to this upcoming week's annual Divorce Party match up.  Is he confident enough and will he let them sway hard enough to face off against Victorious Secret while starting a Kicker that is on bye for the sake of preserving said #1 ranked Kicker and studly bench prospects that he just can't bare to drop?  You'll have to wait til Sunday to find out.  Will he keep shamelessly speaking in Third Person?  You bet your sweet ass he will!

Who needs to take a WR In the top 30 picks?  Sope Pro doesn't.

My apologies, but it was a big week for Sope Pro's team in the GIF recap world:

Things could be worse for Wirty as he goes from a top ranked team to falling down below the 4-2 cluster- fuck.  He could have lost AND THEN for some crazy insane in the membrane reason dropped Andrew Luck's #1 target (look it up) to a salivating Sope Pro, who was patiently waiting, even stalking, like a fantasy football sexual predator with waiver wire priority spot #1.  Oh wait, THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED.  You may think this is typical Byron Sope commissioner propaganda, but I am now entertaining all offers!  My boy Donte MonCrief is worth an 8th rounder to keep next year and I'll even give him back to you for a discount Wirty (;

3.) #4 Reverse Cow Girls (4-2) 117.2 pts > #8 Skipler (3-3) 97.7 pts

JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!

The Shenanigans bowl was a quiet one this time around.  But don't look away just yet.  In true Bellicheckian manner **Defending Champ Skipler tries to keep his name out of the head lines.  He's too smart to pull a, "whoops Johnny E added and started Tono Romo because he didn't realize his collar bone is still broken".  Skipler is too smart for that, and he knows it would be too easy of a witch hunt.  Keep an eye out though, it is only a matter of time before Antonio Brown make his way to Skipler's team in exchange for some "super sleepers".

As for Johnny Taco Enoksen, I know how this recap comes across during the old dude's once- a- week, day drinking, Friday siestas.  I spend all recap roster shaming Taco's team when they lose (and most of the time when they win too) but Skip goes through the recap and compiles only the positive comments:

" See Johnny, you put up a lot of points this week and, oh look! the commissioner even posted a picture of the stunning dogs you breed.  He must be a fan and is surely not insinuating that you fuck your own dogs to breed them in order to give them their signature gingery Red Hulk dog complexion."  

Skip is helping Johnny create his own Safe- Space that is safe from all fantasy bullies.  This plan will work as long as you keep pesky Reality out!

#ShamelessTaco 

2.) #10 Dickhead (2-4) 113.0 pts > 12 Just Chill (1-5) 91.4 pts

JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!

Ohhhhhh Larry, Larry, Larry.  You done fucked up this week:

There goes 23 points contributed directly to your bench!

I can't talk too bad about Larry's team though, because benefiting Dickhead's team is like Shitting in the shower.  Then you try and mash it down the drain.  It then becomes just a really smelly mess until you get the Shit Spatula out to help.  No, I am not really getting at anything here.  I just wanted to compare Dickhead's team to a disgusting shitty shower.

1.) #2 Victorious Secret (4-2) 106.3 pts > #6 Gwatty (4-2) 99.0 pts

JR Says: 2 Barn Burners!

Can't win them all scoring under 100 pts Gwatts.  

Should this be a pick or fumble.  Obv, its a pick but didn't matter for the Ambiguously Gay Fantasy Bros. . . NEGATIVE POINTS!

It was not a tough job to figure out which match up was this week's main event.  In fact, it would be a tougher job to figure out who had the better on- air hot- mic fart of this young NFL season.

Seriously though, that one isn't very tough to figure out either.  See and hear for yourselves!

(that's your head coach there Week's be proud!)

Somehow, a sloppy high- fiber/ greasy sausage/ deep dish/ DA BEARS Ditka fart was not the most offensive thing caught on NFL cameras this week:

Goodnight and don't forget, Donte ManQueef if on the block!!!!!