Week 3 Recap!

(PC for almost 4 weeks now!)

Sacko Civil War Update

Team Skipler: 1,947.8 pts

(aka Shitheads of America Inc. aka the Hooved Stink Sprinklers)

Team Sacko: 2,002.0 pts

Week 3 High Scorer:

The Butt Fumblers! 147.1 pts

Everyone is either 1-2 or 2-1.  The best 2-1 team has 347.3 pts and the worst 1-2 team has 313.1 pts so no teams are really safe from Soggy Cum Bucket Carousel, I am so super serial right now.

6.) #7 Skipler (1-2) 140.4 pts 8====D 

                            #3 Polk High Panthers (2-1) 87.4 pts

JR Says: 0 Barnburners!

Defending **Superbowl Champ Skipler is on the board!  However, his team is under investigation and its real convenient that the Yahoo league that clearly showed evidence from Tacogate was destroyed.  I have reason to believe it was sabotaged.  I as your commissioner have just made a new rule, your star QB Cam Newton must be benched 4 games.  Because . . . Fuck You, you broke the rules rules rules . . .  I'm the commissioner and I can break the rules rules rules. . . You broke the rules before and I didn't bust you enough. . . Fuck you I'm the commissioner, I can make new rules rules rules.

Fern, I so wanted to cock block you and scoop up Tyrod Taylor, but you are welcome that I am a gentleman (and not playing you this week).

Keep up the good work Fern!  You may have lost this week but your players are doing really really swell.  Good for You!!

(see the Holly vs Wirty recap to understand why I wrote that, apparently if I talk nice about your team they suck)

5.) #12 Dickhead (1-2) 141.2 pts 141.2 pts 8====D

                                   #2 Sope Pro (2-1) 114.5 pts

JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHY WOULD NOBODY TAKE RODGERS FROM HIM!!!

Dickhead survives an early Joseph Randle Multiple Scoregasm to blow this one out.  There was Randle El juices/ bitter spritz/ brine everywhere during the 1 o clock games.

Dickhead's W streak vs Sope Pro continues but it will all be right when you are pouring me delicious IPA or Blueberries next summer.  Until then, I'll take what little satisfaction I can find spoiling every major Jet's play at O' Reillys.  

#pissflaps

4.) #4 Butt Fumblers (2-1) 147.1 pts 8====D

                               #9 Victorious Secret (1-2) 118.6 pts

JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!

Wirty must have taken the Sacko Shit Talk to heart after last week.  Fun fact (fun for everyone but Holly) Victorious Secret is 0-2 when playing the weekly high scorer (D'oh)

Apparently, when I talk smack about your players and team, they CRUSH KILL the following week.  IT is like a reverse Rtard hex.  Here goes nothing,

ANDREW LUCK IS AN IDIOT SAVANT INBRED HACK.  JEREMY HILL WILL BE SUCKING HIS THUMB ON THE SIDELINE AFTER HE FUMBLES, AFTER HE AVERAGES A PALTRY 1.9 YPC.  GIO BERNARD WILL DO A DEEZ NUTZ CELEBRATION IN THE ENDZONE AFTER HE VULTURES HILL'S CARRIES.  NICE WR'S, WHERE DID YOU PICK THEM FROM, THE TOILET DRAFT?  YOU'D HAVE A BETTER CHANCE HIRING A CHILD LABOR FORCE, THEY'D AT LEAST PUT UP BETTER NUMBERS THAN ANDRE LIMPDICK JOHNSON!!!!!!!!

I don't have any GIFs for you for this one, so I present to you a new running segment:

"Where in the World is Full Bill?"

We catch up with your favorite, my favorite, Full Bill as he decides to take in a game at Ralph Wilson Stadium. . .

RIP Full Bill

(this segment has been cancelled)

3.) #8 Beats By Ray (1-2) 138.2 pts 8====D

                                 #11 Ed Fartassian (1-2) 119.9 pts

JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!

Tommy's season went from this: 

To this:

while Ed's season is looking a little more like this:

2.) #2 Run and Hyde (2-1) 136.1 pts 8D 

                               #10 Just Chill (1-2) 120.0 pts

JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!

Nice work on the new name Weeks, but you are still a Jabroni.

The key to Week's victory this week, his D.  He was in a jam, but his D came in big, and pulled out hard (against the 49ers). Everyone looked on in stunned amazement as Week's D simply would not stop.  Men wanted his D and women wanted no part of it.

(First and last time you will ever hear any of those sentences, except for maybe the last one.)

Larry tried to make Weeks slob on the Cobb, but Weeks withstood the 3 TDs.  #BigDProblems . 

Hey everyone, send Larry trade offers for Jamal Charles for your worst player or Kicker or Defense.  He thinks it is a really funny joke that never gets old (and he may click "accept" on accident one day).

1.) #6 Gwatty (2-1) 77.4 pts 8===============================D 

                          #5 Reverse Cow Girls (2-1) 70.5 pts

JR Says: 2 Barn Burners!

You might be saying to yourself "Wha- Wh- Whattt? these teams made the main event?"  

Yes, their scores COMBINED this week would just barely beat the High Score of the week.  .  . but, sometimes the little people need love too.  And of course, I am referring solely to penis size and not their scores.

The Slotty Gwatty's pulled this one out miraculously against the league's highest scorer through the first 2 weeks.  It like their manstrual cycles synched in this matchup of bleeding manginas.

I know what's loves himself a FAT BOY SLICE.  But this week I present to you:

REVERSE FAT BOY SLICE

Red Hulk came into this matchup, oozing of all kinds of Red Hulk juice, but he left as scrawny little Johnny Banner.

(cue the sad Partner piano music)