Sacko Bowl 4: The Silver Ballbag of Truth

 

 

Week 3 Recap

 

 

 

 

Let's kick things of with this week's Sacko Civil War update. . .

 

Team America (Young Guys)

 

 

1,822.98 pts

 

 

VS

 

ISIS (Old Dudes)

 

 

1,854.40 pts

 

 

 

 

For the major announcements that I know you have been counting the minutes to hear. . .

 

This year we have a Sacko First (and chances are last).  The Sacko Bowl is going to screen a world debut movie.  Here is where this involves you. . .

 

In a remote hidden location there will be a random drawing of the names of every person in this league.  Whoever has their name selected at this super secret drawing will have a Sope Productions movie created that will be based on true events from a pivotal moment in your life!  Exciting, right?  Yes, this is really happening and principal photography starts in about a month.  As crazy as you could imagine this being, multiply that by five.

 

 

Also, I ask that you please visit the message board on Yahoo's fantasy page for our league.  There is some real deal smack talk being laid down and I think it should only get better.  So please drop by and tell your buddy he (or she) can go fuck themselves!

 

 

 

We have a lot of Barns a Burning this week so . . .

 

RECAPS HOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

6.)

#12 Larry Villains (0-3) 60.50 pts (not a typo!)

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#6 Reverse Cowgirls (2-1) 116.88 pts



 

 

 

 

** Please note, that Good Ol' JR straight up skipped this one.

 

This matchup was just plain gross.  J Taco E had a solid matchup, but 60 points!!?? Really!!??  (Editor's note you tried your hardest Larry and you just had a rough week so keep your head up and go get em next week Tiger! And please, pleasseeee do not revoke my Redzone privileges by changing your password that I am currently using!).

 

Larry's fantasy team taking the field, well at least trying:

 

 

 

I know that Jimmy Graham is actually on Larry Villain's team, but for funny GIF's sake, This time Purple guy = Larry Villains:

 

 

 

 

It is all good though.  Larry has a plan and he is sticking to it.  He is step by step reenacting the Wirty plan from last year.

 

1. Draft Team.

 

2. Lose your first 8.

 

3. Cash out for week 15 Sacko Bowl Savior players.

 

4. Bro Down

 

 

Sitting on your ass, here you come!

 

 

 

 

5.)

#9 BTB + BTB (0-3) 101.82 pts

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#1 Sope Productions (3-0) 132.70 pts

 

 

JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!

 

 

 

 

Somebody tell Skip that the season started and this is all for realsies now.  This is become a weekly installment of BTB's "First to Worst- Journey to the Center of Josh's Silver Bawls".  BTB is officially in free- fall panic- mode while Sope Pro is doing his damndest to monopolize the Weekly High Score market.  (I love typing in the 3rd person).  This is also becoming the weekly edition of "Sope Productions- FUCK YOU!". 

 

Luckily, there may be some relief in sight for the flaring Gout that is BTB's first 3 weeks as they face off against 8th place Cruzin.

 

 

 

As for Sope Pro, a tough matchup next week against The Bitches.  It will be a rematch of last year's "Win and Get a Bye" regular season finale and also a rematch of last year's "Not Sacko Semi Final".  The Bitches took 2 out of 3 matchups and is revving the shit talk engines early with that sweet new team profile pic.  Well two can play that game.  Fair warning, the next time I am on Bayview Dr South, I am going to snap a new profile pic from that weird naked baby pic of EJ with his little wiener out.  The one hanging in the hall.  The picture from the first couple years of your life when they thought you were a little girl.

 

But for now, I'll settle for a picture of weird Reice:

 

 

 

 

4.)

#5 Twatty (2-1) 91.58 pts

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#7 The Bitches (2-1) 106.02 pts

 

 

 

JR Says: 1 Barn Burner!

 

 

 

 

 

If JR could, he would give that 1/2 a Barn Burner, but he is in the Barn Burnin mood this week.  So where did I leave off, oh yeah!

 

Fuck The Bitches.  If I learned anything from my time in the Sacko it is that if you are not being a dick you are not trying.  Be one with your inner dick and release all of that dick from deep inside (giggity).  So I took it upon myself to take one of The Bitches draft bust's, Bishop Skanky if you remember from last week.  I found Skanky a new home on my team thanks to the waiver wire and he is getting honorary RB1 status for Sope Pro.  Who was once a draft bust for the Bitches will be the future of Sope Productions starting this week!  Starting a player on my team that has already started for the Bitches this season makes us Fantasy Football Eskimo Brothers!

 

 

 

 

 

In other news. . . Twatty is still the reigning whitest team in the Sacko Bowl:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3.)

#10 Negro Sailfish (0-3) 94.00 pts

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#8 Cruzin All the Way (1-2) 101.96 pts

 

 

JR Says: 2 Barn Burners!

 

 

 

Well after last week's pep talk, Cruzin can not hate life for at least 6 more days because they are on the board!  Dense Boner Forests, Indifferent Rectal Semen Splooge, Furry Balls Plopped Menacingly on the Table.  These are more or less the thoughts going through the Negro Sailfish's mind as they gather themselves trying to look for that 1st win.  I see what is going on here.  Weeks takes home some money last year and now is playing with house money so in turn, you get a team of superstars just coasting through.

 

 

 

Among a couple of sweet plays for Cruzin this weekend, one stood out above the rest.  Cruzin's play of the week goes to the Ginja Ninja himself:

 

 

 

 

2.)

#11 Victorious Secret (0-3) 98.44pts

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#3 Butt Fumblers (3-0) 105.26 pts

 

 

JR Says: 2 Barn Burners!

 

 

 

 

Wirty is 3- 0 !!!!  He is the little dark stormy cloud that could!  Is this his new beginning as a big bright sunny sky?  Will everyone beg him to come out when they are watching their favorite team in hopes that his presence alone causes something miraculous to happen?  Or will he lose the last 7 in a row in devastating fashion further cementing his current legacy as THE DARK CLOUD. 

 

 

 

 

Victorious Secret on the other hand, cannot buy a win this season.  Her drafting theory for this season is clearly not working out.  Demaryius Thomas, Vincent Jackson, Cordarelle Patterson???  I think we have a height supremacist in our league.

 

Height Power! Height Power!

 

 

 

Sieg Height!

 

 

 

If Holly ends up taking the Sacko this year, she should be mandated to change her team name to YEAST MODE.  Just throwing that out there (sorry, you're a girl)

 

 

 

 

 

Anddddd your matchup of the weeeekkkk . . .

 

 

 

1.)

#4 Beats By Ray (2-1) 91.72 pts

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#2 Polk High Panthers (3-0) 95.44 pts

 

 

JR Says: 3 Barn Burners!

 

 

 

 

 

This one had a crazy finish as it was over once the Denver Seattle game ended in OT.  There were ups, there were downs, there was premature mourning by Polk High, and then some last minute jubilation as they knocked off fellow (previously) unbeaten noob BBR. 

 

To be honest, I am running out of consciousness and missing another installment of Thursday Night Bloodbaths on CBS so Polk High. . .

 

 

from one 3 and 0 to another . . .

 

GO FUCK YOURSELF !!! ;)