Week 8 Recap " Balls and Halloweiners"

 

Week 8 Recap:

 

 

"Balls and Halloweiners"

 

 

 

 

 

 Well to start, that was an awesome week for Barn Burning but also a very very shitty week at the same time, goddammit.  Feeling very "Butt sore" at the moment.

 

 

 

 

 

Now. An R Tard Halloween costume contest:

 

"2nd and not the last Randy Marsch reference already whaaaat!?"

 

"Fuck you, I had to make one football related"

 

"If you are over 35 (or not a future Juvenile Sex Offender)you may not get this one"

 

"The Day is Mine!"

 

"Quad BlackFace: 4x the Raycessum!"

Your Winners!!!:

 

 

 

 

 

 

6.) #7 Victorious Secret (4-4) 132.64 pts drops

#10 Coming to you Live (2-6) 101.18 pts.

 

 

JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!

 

 

Not a very exciting one, but VS gets a much needed High Score W.  Lets keep things moving with the Halloweiner theme:

 

Picture this:

 

      Tolsdorf has been having a hard time sleeping at night because he keeps dealing with re- occurring nightmares.  It starts off as he rolls over in bed.  He hears "Click Clack Click Clack" getting closer.  Moving slowly but definitely ,definitely getting closer.  A shadowy figure appears that he just can't make out.  He hears: "Trolls- Dorf. . . Come out to playyyy ayyyy!"  The figure leans in and he can make out the face of none other than Christopher Wirth (Butt Fumblers).  He holds out his hand revealing that the click clack is coming from a pair of Sacko Balls dangling in one hand.  Wirty reaches out handing over one set of the silvery metallic balls.  "THESE ARE FOR YOU HAHAHAHAHAHA!" 

      That's when Tolsdorf wakes up in cold sweat.  He is so seriously super happy that the horrible encounter is over.

 

 

BUT HERE COMES THE M NIGHT SHAMALAMALAM TWIST!!!!!

 

 

     Tolsdorf rolls over to his other side and sees his computer screen.  Another week of being on the receiving end of "Yahoo's Toyota Tundra Blow Out of the Week"!  IT turns out it was not a dream and in fact reality sinking in.  The silver balls are coming, Coming to Your Neck!

 

 

(Please note: if your team name is not Coming to You Live, Stage Kisses R Gay, or Twatty.  You might not find this so scary.)

 

 

Too bad the waiver wire did not come through this week.  You could have had a much more Wheelin', Dealin', Pie Eatin', Alabama Style Wife Beatin' Defense like this:

 



 

 

 

5.) #8 Cruzin All the Way (4-4) 105.06 pts Bitch Slaps

#11 Stage Kisses R Gay (2-6) 88.12 pts

 

 

JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!

 

(Just wait, they are coming)

 

 

Based solely on points, this match up should have at least 1 Barn Burner, but R Tard Josh is the first A- Hole to really not set their lineup.  Whaaa whaaa WhaaaaaAAAaaa.   Just remember, Stage Kisses, your lineup may not have been real this week, but when the Butt Fumbler's over take you in 2 weeks time:

 

The feel of the cold Sacko metal on your neck will be all too real.  (Queue the PSYCHO shower scene music or the JAWS theme song (this one is really more of a "Choose Your Own Adventure" segment. (Either way you now have the image of Josh getting attacked by Silver Balls naked in the Shower or Getting eaten by Silver Balls in a Bikini in the Ocean.)))

 

 

I guess it is true . . . when you are a white guy some things are handed to you (this win) and sometimes making the same move is not as scrutinized as if you were a minority (like Josh and starting Jacobs as opposed to starting TY Hilton (both on Byes))

Hmmmm?  Sounds Familiar:

 

 

Who  of the 2 made Sports Center all week?

 

 



 





 

 



4.) #4 Negro Sailfish (5-3) 125.58 pts Timmy Toms

#3 Reverse Cow Girls (5-3) 109.34 pts

 

 

JR Says: 1 Barn Burner!

 

1 Barn Burner mostly because of the head to head positional battle featured in the same game. Also, the fact that this left the teams involved ranked 3 and 4 respectively.  Dez Bryant was moseying along doing what he does:

And that is when CALVIN "HORSE COCK" JOHNSON came around dropped a 300+ yard burger and 40+ pt burger (Double Patties Bitch!) on Johnny E's beloved Cowboys and Reverse Cow Girls simultaneously!:

It is too bad that Johnny E has no idea WTF is going on.  Otherwise those 14 catches would have really hurt in live time.  This was a battle of Wide Receivers, both receiver's received, except The Reverse Cow Girls received prison style.



3.) #1 Dickhead (7-1) 124.86 pts Sack Taps
#2 Cleveland Steamers (6-2) 111.60 pts.

JR says: 2 Barn Burners!

 

This one gets 2 Barn Burner's because of the sheer weight of the match up. **Smug Randy Marsch voice: No I'm not referring to their beer guts because in that case whoever faces Stage Kisses R Gay would get 6 Barn Burners every week and JR would be all stroked out Gerald!** It was because it was 1 v 2 and they swapped spots.  Now I think we all feel the same way as the Raider's coach this week toward Dickhead so I will let him do the honors:

 

 

 

2.) #6 LRY VLNS (5-3)88.74 pts Paul Wall's

(verb. to bloody the nose of another and then ditch the said bloody party as a group) 

#9 Twatty (2-6) 88.74 pts

 

 

JR Says: 3 Barn Burners!

 

3 Barn Burners on the 2nd ranked matchup?? How in the what?  I kind of wanted to deduct a Barn Burner for full on personal reasons against LRY but I held back. 

Me: Hey we are doing the wrestling costume thing you want to meet up like we planned?

LRY: I can't I'm going to ANOTHER PARTY.

Fast Forward in Convo . . .

Me: What are you even dressing as?

LRY: Captain Hook.

Me: Uggh.

LRY: It's cool though because its Captain Hook from "Once Upon A Time"

Me: Uggggggh.

LRY: I can't talk and have to go.  I'm putting my eye liner on.

Me: Uggggggggggggggggggh.

A simple no would have brought you a long way you dingle berry.


LRY was lucky that Reuben Randle played dead but instead did not get back up:

Your Main Event of the Weeeekkk!!

You guessed it at this point and I have a feeling some people were watching this one as closely as I did:

1.) #12 The Butt Fumblers (1-7) 77.04 pts fucking goddamn shit fuck upsets goddammmittttt! fuccckk!
#5 Sope Productions(5-3) 73.70 pts.

JR Says:  3 Barn Burners!

The Butt Fumbler's are on the board!  Wirty looked the record books in the face and said: "Fuck You Destiny.  I Suck But Not 0 and 13 level Suck").  Fucking Injuries and bad fucking picks fuck fuck.  Fuck.  This may have been the lowest point total for a 3 Barn Burner but it came down to some shit on Monday night. 

Down 17 pts with Sope's no name RB Zac Stacy vs Butt's WR Sidney Rice this matchup was over and not that close.   BUT THEN Sidney Rice tears his ACL. . . FUCKIN SAWEEEET!.   Zac Stacy gashes the Seahwaks D on his way to 130 yards . . . OH HAWT HAWT HAWT HAWT!  Last Drive of the game.  Down by 6 pts.  BOOM- Stacy for 10 yards here, BAM- Stacy 10 yards there.  Only need 4 more pts!  Then comes the ankle sprain GAWDDAMMIT!  Rams move through the red zone with Stacy cringing on the sideline and somehow get like 20 plays from 5 yards out of the endzone.  The W that could have been.   BUTTT WAITTT!  4th and 2 with 5 seconds left and Stacy is on the goddamn fucking field WOOOOO!  Time to be a Fantasy Football Glory Boy and text the whole league at 12 am about my awesomeness.  There is however one catch before the biggest fantasy football TD celebration on my part. . . The Rams O Coordinator is Brian "Fuck Game Plans" Schottenheimer.  After 130 yards of rushing and torturous Kellen "Pencil Dick" Clemens playing at QB they call an empty backfield.  NONONONONONONONONO!  What happens next is completely predictable.  No carry.  Ugly throw.  No target for their best player.  No Catch.  No TD. Rams Lose.  I throw a Trollsdorf style Hissy Fucking Fit (not really but it did suck balls)

True Story,  Had I not have been a major asshole and benched Vick I would have won without looking back on this exact play:

Happy Halloween after a very expletive filled Recap and Trollsdorf, if your house gets egged tomorrow it wasn't me.  Wink Wink.