WEEK 6 RECAP
AKA
THE FUCK YOU TROLLSDORF HOUR
Still feeling a buzz from last night so I am going to try and make this quick even though it never works that way but there were some serious barns being burnt this week even after Facebook Repub vs Dem debates.
I think we should impeach me for a week and watch Trollsdorf (The World's Least Interesting Man) struggle to write a recap. I'm just kidding I would never do that to you guys I could already picture how it would turn out:
Twatty went straight to the top, went in hot, my gawd, coming to you live, all sass, all sass, all sass, something else Watts has said in the past and is now no longer funny, etc etc .
Now picture that 6 times and try not to rip your eyeballs out. In other words, Trollsdorf can suck it. . .
It's about to get real High School bully up in here!
6.) Negro Sailfish (3-3) 144.78 pts beats
The Butt Fumblers (0-5) 87.36 pts
JR says: 0 Barn Burners
Holy Jeezus Christ Monkey Balls the Negro Sailfish finally made some money back from the league with this week's High Score!
"Yeah, I'm Mike Weeks! Wooo!"
Let's take our weekly look at the Butt Fumbler's bench where things are falling apart at the seams:
If only The Butt Fumblers could go back in time and make that blockbuster trade.
**SEGWAY**
If only we could go back in time about 23 years ago and give this book to Trollsdorf's parents we might all be spared of his Douschebaggery:
5.) The Reverse Cow Girls (4-2)116.90 pts beats
Stage Kisses R Gay (2-4) 75.12 pts
JR says: 0 Barn Burners
B O R I N G!
Well that was a lame one and went exactly as we all figured it would so instead I am going to show you a GIF of a Fat Boy Slice TD celebration:
We all could basically see the future, RCG blows out SKRG with 0 Barn Burners blah blah.
** SEGWAY **
We can all see the future when it comes to our boy Trolls and it looks a little something like this:
4.) Coming to You Live (2-4) 105.31 pts beats
Twatty (1-5) 85.88 pts
JR Says: 1 Barn Burner
One sympathy Barn Burner that is. Still not a very exciting one, there is no "Unicorns! Show Ponies! Where's the Beef! Trollsdorf's Back!" Realistically it was a battle of two 1 win teams, one had to lose. Twatty I think you should go back to stocking Kickers:
I know I left you wanting more in the Trolling of the Trollsdorf, so lets look further into his future:
3.) Cleveland Steamers (5-1) 114.00 pts beats
Sope Productions (4-2) 99.18 pts
JR Says: 1 Barn Burner!
A battle of 4 and 1's that had a lot of points on the bench. Things were looking tight and then this happened:
And then this happened:
TROLLSDORF PUBLIC EMBARASSMENT #3:
3 WAY TIE:
Cancun clothed Pool Push/ RV Hissy- Fit "I am driving you assholes around and you are going to put your dicks in my face! One dick OK! But six dicks, No way!" / Stone Cold Stunner man tears at Matt's engagement party.
2.) Dickhead (5-1) 118.82 beats
Victorious Secret (3-3) 116.28
JR Says: 3 Barn Burners!
3 Barn Burners and not even the top ranked matchup whaaaat!? JR's heart rate is starting to rise, his face is getting red, and he is starting to sweat BBQ sauce. Please note the name change of the team formerly known as The Bitches, Rick Grimes, Cleveland Steamers, Reverse Cowgirls, and currently ahem, BriantopWattsbottom (which I totally do not agree with, everyone knows I am a power bottom!). Rather than keeping up with the name changes the said team will be referred to as Dickhead for the simplicity of the Recap. Really close one here, this matchup was gifted to Dickhead because of Yahoo app not saving the change to put Jerr Michael in and instead had to deal with stupid goddamn Coby Onethousand Fleener. This one stayed close because both teams are as fragile as little Danny Amendola's glass body:
TROLLSDORF PUBLIC EMBARASSMENT #2
Out in Patchogue our boy Trolls drinks too much and throws a classic Trollsdorf Hissy- fit for the ages. Indian-style sitting on the sidewalk rocking like a psychopath and punches the brick wall Trolly starts to scream:
Trolls: "My friend gave his life for this country while you Assholes are out getting drunk!"
Response: " Well What are you doing right now?"
Trolls " . . ."
Response: " Where was he stationed?"
Trolls: "Overseas! In Tex-as!!! HE HAD HIS LEGS BLOWN OFF!"
Response: "Wait, how did he die?"
Trolls: "He OVERDOSED ON HEROINE"
Spoiler Alert- There is no legless heroine addict military friend that is stationed overseas in Texas.
It was about this time that we had a scene on our hands. The cops come by and grab Trollsdorf by his good ear, call him an asshole and throw him in a Taxi cab. Can't make this stuff up.
MAIN EVENT OF THE WEEK!!!!!
1.) LRY VLNS (4-2) 79.38 PTS BEATS CRUZIN ALL THE WAY 79.30
JR SAYS: 3 BARNBURNERS!!!!!
JR STROKE FACE ALERT!!
Both teams sucked but you can't beat a margin of victory less than 0.1. The second time Cruzin lost in a Stroke Face Alert triple Barn Burner. 0 TE pts in this one which helped lead to such close but shitty performances. After a heated social media battle the Democrats beat the Republicans . . . Race war is over, Whites Lose!
Luckily for LRY VLNS the almighty Peyton channeled his inner Eli:
#1 Trollsdorf Public Embarassment:
At a hotel in Buffalo it is prime time to be out, and Trolly goes missing. He ends up in the hotel taking a shower to call it an early night. When he gets out Josh looks at me and without saying a word I know the plan. We open the door and rip Trolls towel off locking him outside. Thats what would have happened if the unsaid plan worked out perfectly. Trolly put up a good fight and as the towel came off and he was being forced out Josh said "Sorry Hope." and shoved me out too. That is when the tables really turned. Just at that time my pants broke and fell to my ankles as I fell to the ground. Now I am locked out in the hallway with random people walking by in my boxers with a completely naked Trollsdorf trying to wrestle my pants off of me to cover himself up. What a sight. "Ew, look at his little weiner!"
BTW: I strongly dislike Tolsdorf.
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