Week 3 Recap

High Score- Dickhead 142.7 pts

(Goddammit)

Civil War Update:

Olds:

2,057.3 pts

Youngs:

1,872.2 pts

We have a large assortment of shitty match ups and an uncomfortable amount gay jokes to get to!

6.) 

#4 Reverse Cow Girls (2-1) 124.4 pts

#10 Twatty (1-2) 74.2 pts

JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!

I would like to formally announce that Johnny Taco Enoksen has agreed to be the Flower Girl at my wedding.  I asked him before the Draft a month ago.

As you are all aware - THERE ARE NO BACKSIES!  So with great pleasure, I bring to you a teaser, if you will, of Johnny E walking down the aisle with Bentley next Fall!

Long gone for Twatty are the days of Championship glory.  2 years have been a very long time for them, now they are trying to turn the league's underbelly into a Sacko 3- way.  

Wirty and Ed sandwich anyone?  

Let that visual embed within your brain.  

5.) 

#2 Dickhead (3-0) 142.7 pts

#6 Sope Productions (1-2) 98.5 pts

JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!

I will do my best to bring an unbiased recap for this one. . .

But this is exactly how I feel about it:

Sope Pro dealt with yet another old man tea- bagging while on the wrong side of a weekly high score for 2/3 weeks this season from 2 teams that are on the wrong side of the Sacko Civil War.  Maybe things will  get better next week?  Probably not as Reverse Cow Girls, one of the top tea bag deliverers is on the slate next.

Stupid Dickhead.

Stupid Starvin Marvin.

Stupid Carryon my wayward Johnson.

Stupid Bob Woods

Stupid Baker Mayfield too.

If I had an oz more creativity and time, I'd write my own rendition of Goodbye Moon that replaced with calling Dickhead's players stupid.

4.)

#1 Skipler (3-0) 130.5 pts

#9 Polk High Panthers (1-2) 87.1 pts

JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!

Fern really Pollanded that one up as expected.  Skipler's Reich is as strong as ever.  Larry stands in his way next.  Larry will likely be going the way of Denamrk.  If there's 2 things we should all hate, it is people who are intolerant of other people's culture and THE DUTCH!

If Skip keeps this up we will be renaming the championship belt "SKipler's Danglers".

The caption for that meme could also be "Fern still waiting for Josh Gordon to do a thing".

3.)

#7 Larry Villains (1-2) 120.4 pts

#8 Mississippi Mud Butts (1-2) 86.8 pts

JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!

Yuck, where did that one come from for MMB.  

Not much good to talk about here so I'll change the subject.  We are patiently waiting for an invite to come crash your Bachelor party.  What better way to do it than with everyone else reading.  Since the Bunk House has been closed down, we are eagerly anticipating your choice of location for plan B.

As for Larry, you get a meme and a very special Millenial award for being King Millenial.

2.) #3 Land of the Lost (3-0) 123.7 pts

#12 The  Butt Fumblers (0-3) 97.2 pts

JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!

Wirty scored over 80 pts!  That a good start.  Your'e going to need some momentum heading into your Sacko Pillow Fight vs Ed next week.

I bet you will somehow find a way to tie and still remain winless with Ed.  Extremely unlikely, but goddamn just imagine.

Unfortunately for Wirty there was no momentum to be had here as he played Ernie in the first half of the season and ended up getting stomped out like an innocent beach chair during a BYOB Rich Mahognay concert.

1.)

#5 Bill Cosby's Sleeper Picks (2-1) 106.2 pts

#11 Lady Boy Jansson (0-3) 101.4 pts

JR Says: 2 Barn Burners + 1 Sympathy Barn Burner!

(For Ed: 1 + 2 = 3) so 3 Barn Burners!

Conspiracy Theory Alert!

All Leveon Bell things considered, Ed doesn't have THAT bad of a team.  Mckinnon out?  Suck my Brieda!  Then came Ed's latest "trade".  Ed handed a 40.5 pt QB to BCSP the week they played him, THE SAME WEEK Garropolo tore his ACL.  But well get back to that in a minute.

The universe felt poor Edward's woes and threw him a bone.  Just like that, Evan Engram (another freebie for Tommy and Jay) was out for the game and next few weeks.   Not enough for poor Eddie?  BOOM Phillip Lindsay throws a punch and gets ejected early.  

HERE's THE KICKER!  HE STILL COULD HAVE WON.  All Ed had to do was input his new(one week only) starting QB.  Something clicked, Ed made his "decision" and put in Sam FUCKING DARNOLD in-  good for a healthy 4 points. . .  Goddammit.  I call shenanigans, and not the delightful happy shenanigans that result in free things.  The REAL DEAL kind.  Too many coincidences for my liking.  

You would look better here if Tommy and Jay coincidentally offered you a 2 for 1 BJ on draft day for all of these trades. . .