SACKO BOWL SEASON 7:

EDDY SACKO AND THE DEATHLY SWALLOWS

WEEK 5&6 RECAP

Week 5 High Scorer:

Dickhead - 138.9 pts

Week 6 High Scorer: 

Polk High Panthers - 133.5 pts

Sacko Civil War Update:

Olds - 3,392.7 pts

Youngs - 3,550.1 pts

6.) #10 Twatty (2-4) 122.7 pts

#5 Land of The Lost (4-2) 50.6 pts

JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!

I am going to start this long recap by throwing this out there:

This is the defining moment of Ernie's surprising 4-2 start, that caused him to put up a 50 point stinker. Hopefully for him this will not be the defining moment of his entire season as it surely is for Packers fans worldwide:

While Land of the Lost has benefited from a week schedule there are no excuses for why Twatty has been so bad.  They have been the league's equivalent of old lady farts, they are so loose that they don't even acknowledge them but they stick around and my god do they stink.  

That is, until this week.  Twatty recovered nicely after gifting a free win to Wirty in a .4 loss that feature a phantom Gronkowski starting at TE.

5.) #4 Mississippi Mud Butts (4-2) 112.0 pts

#8 Suck my Clinton-Dix (2-4) 79.0 pts

JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!

It is only right to start this portion of the recap this way:

Here is an ode/ obituary for 2017 Odell Beckham, the gift that keeps on GIFing:

SmCD making desperation shenanigans trades including "IOU a 3rd Round Pick Next Year" after back-to-back shalackings at the hands of Sope Pro and then Mud Butts.

The Mississppi Melvin Butts won 2 big ones in a row in a power move towards the top.

4.) #9 Larry Villains (2-4) 108.3 pts

#3 Dickhead (4-2) 98.3 pts

JR Says: 1 Barn Burner!

Larry rebounded nicely from last week and did the league a favor by buttering Dickhead's bread.  

Things seem to be trending downward for our resident Dickhead with Forenetteskinecator surviving a scare on the field and "Beat Your Wife Elliot, Beat Your Wife!" surviving yet another scare in the courtroom.

With this loss, Dickhead is no longer the top bitch in the nursing home.

3.) #6 Polk High Panthers (3-3) 133.5 pts

#11 Eddy Sacko (1-5) 113.6 pts

JR Says: 1 Barn Burner!

You simply cannot make this Ed bad luck stuff up!

We have Wirty over here winning while only putting 89 points up, Ernie at 4-2 while having the audacity to submit a lineup so shitty that could only score 50 points . . .  And then there is poor poor sorry sap Ed who throws up 113.6 points, only to face the league's high scorer of the week.  At least the man has overly healthy testicles and the sex drive of a jack rabbit.

But are these fantasy football blunders really all bad luck??  I am not answering that question BUT it is not a rhetorical question.  You already know the answer to this one.

Ed FINALLY does something right by not dropping Adrian Peterson, then what does he do next?  Trades him immediately for a future "hypothetical" 3rd round pick.  Don't forget to move this 3rd round pick in a half-way legit trade or else the veto birds will be a chirping.

In this match up, Fern gave Ed a good old fashioned Hot Cosby.  Better yet, he took Ed to the Harvey Weinstein Casting Couch.  He went full Joozian and made Ed suck his JAGON!

2.) #7 Skipler (3-3) 109.9 pts

#12 Reverse Cowgirls (1-5) 97.8 pts

JR Says: 1 Barn Burner!

It was only a matter of time but Johnny E has gone full Taco, again.  I guess that is what happens when 1 owner drafts for 2 teams and lets all of the halfway decent players fall to himself, *ahem *ahem Skip.  

I hope you notice how Skipler gets the Dolphin's content by default.  That is because the Dolphin's are a cesspool for both fantasy football and real-life people alike:

It is official, somehow, Taco's best player is his DEF:

 

1.) #2 The Butt Fumblers (5-1) 89.8 pts 

#1 Sope Productions (5-1) 82.3 pts

JR Says: 2 Barn Burners!

It is funny how the match up between the current #1 and #2 teams was won by a team scoring 89.8 points.  It hurts to be on the losing side of the math up's "GIFing"  I should probably take it easy on everyone next week.  Don't worry, I definitely won't.

At least I escaped these past 2 weeks without a devastating injury for what feels like the first time this season.   

So to sum this game up, Wirty kept Wirtying.  Sope just wirtied a little bit more Wirtyingly this time around.