Week 9/ 10 Recap

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Week 9 and 10 High Scorer(s):

1st Round Sacko Civil War draft pick,

Reverse Cow Girls (170.9 pts)

and

Reverse Cow Girls (154.6 pts)

If he keeps this up, we will be renaming the Sacko Belt the Taco.

Speaking of Sacko Civil War updates, I have 2 weeks of updates.  I don't care if you only need the 2nd one to tell what is going on, I did the math already, fuck you.

Week 9 Sacko Civil War update:

Team Skipler: 5,764.1 pts

Team Sacko: 5,781.7 pts

Week 10 Sacko Civil War update:

Team Skipler: 6,293.2 pts

Team Sacko: 6,450.9 pts

I see some separation, GO TEAM SACKO!

Sorry for last week, I was busy at Hula school.  I am so ready for the upcoming luau, that I might even kiss a dude:

6.) #1 Reverse Cow Girls 154.6 pts (7-3)

#9 Beats By Ray 77.9 pts (4-6)

JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!

Well there goes Tommy's comeback attempt.  Johnny Taco Enoksen wins this one behind his high scoring team of Kirk Cousins/ Jeremy Langford/ Ted Ginn Jr.  Those are the same names that strike fear in the heart of fantasy football players nationwide.  I guarantee you that if you ask Taco Enoksen to name the team that any ONE of those players plays for, he would be stumped.  Tommy should really be cursing Skipler's name right now instead.

YOU LIKE THAT!!!

TD is not out yet, just like Larry's late season resurgence, (which will inevitably be stopped by Sope Pro on week 13) they are technically 1 game out of a playoff spot.  It all makes sense when you have shitty teams out there like Dickhead or Fartassian's- you can have a team possibly make it to the right side of the playoffs with a losing record.  Not likely, but possible.  You just need to keep your luck from running out:

AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, START MARTAVIS BRYANT. . .EASY SOPE PRO TIP FOR THE WEEK, ALWAYS START MARTAVIS BRYANT WHEN NOT ON A BYE:

Here is another reminder of Tommy's season in a nutshell (please note, this drive did not end in a TD on this play but a Johnny Football INT in the end zone):

Now we need to keep things a little more PC around this league. Every time some one beats their opponent by anything even close to 2X their opponent's score, I want signed Affirmative Consent saying "Yes, you may take me upstairs and crush my pussy at this time."  Because of course, PC stands for PUSSY CRUSHING.

5.) #3 Brees Nuts 138.1 pts (7-3) 

#8 Twatty 82.1 pts (5-5)

JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!

Twatty's lowest points forced in the league are coming back to haunt them.  Pair that with the Edelman injury and I hereby declare them BYRON SOPE'S SACKO DARK HORSE OF 2015.  

Finally, Weeks changes his team name to a player on his roster, didn't want to point it out but things were getting a little awkward.  Carlos Hyde has moved onto bigger and better things on Sope Pro's bench.  I am glad you moved on.  It was getting a little weird for all parties involved.

And we all thought Week's team was going to just ride off into the sunset after what might have been the most R- Tarded 2nd round draft pick in recent history:

Watt's past couple of weeks have been as effective as screaming at a Grandma (you know this is solely meant to set up a completely unrelated GIF I need to share):

4.) #10 Just Chill 121.8 pts (4-6)

#7 Victorious Secret 72.6 pts (5-5)

JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!

JC is somehow still alive, but maybe it is time to give up on the Ameer Abdullah experiment, this 104 yard play = 0 fantasy points:

Larry after these past few weeks:

VS put together 2 sub- 80 point games in a row.  My hexing officially worked, onto my next targets.  At least Holly has sick D game:

And a QB who is not afraid to tell the Home Team fans to SUCK IT!

3.) #2 Polk High Panthers 114.8 pts (7-3)

#4 Sope Productions 97.2 pts (6-4)

JR Says: 1 Barn Burner!

PHP wins this battle of 6-3 teams and would be in 1st if it wasn't for Red Hulk/ Taco's latest dick- swinging efforts.

Look at Odell here, he looks like Bentley humping the back of Holly's leg:

Sope Pro would be better off streaming starting QB's rather than keep moving ahead with stupid Russell Wilson, no your energy drink that sponsors you does not "cure concussions" (look this up, he actually said that as his sponsored cringed at the amount of potential lawsuits).  It's all good now though because Tony Romo from "America's Scumbags" is being thrust into an immediate starting role on Sope Pro's lineup.

And sadly, I do have to announce that my time with Donte Manqueef is over.  He's all yours again Wirty!  This is the kind of move that makes my heart piss its pants.

2.) #12 Skipler's Saggy Balls 85.2 pts (2-8)

#6 Belt Wearing Skipler 77.4 pts (5-5) 

JR Says: 2 Barn Burners!

 

This was Ed's Fartassian's Super Bowl.  This was the one week of the year that he had circled on the schedule, knowing that he had to take home the W.  He did it!  He beat the opposing Sacko Civil War's captain.  No doubt, Skipler played down to Ed's level, putting in a 77 point effort, but a W against Skipler is a W against Skipler nonetheless, and for that, JR shares some extra Barn- Burning love even for such a low- scoring affair.

The PC fraternity did say something very smart this week that you can directly apply to Ed's friendship with me.  "Sometimes victims of oppression are so marginalized that they begin to sympathize with their oppressors. YEAH BRO!"

Skipler would still (miraculously)be in the Playoffs, if the season ended today.  It is that time of the year again.  I ask you all to stand up in unison and to fight the tyranny that is Skipler's Iron Reich.  We all know what he can do in the playoffs, so we must band together and put him down.  

(taco)

This GIF needs to = Skipler's playoff chances. . . We can do it!

And yes, you can expect questionable pre- determined Adds and Drops on the waiver wire.  The best way to fight shenanigans is with more Shenanigans.  It's SHENANAMANIA 2015 and WHATCHA GONNA DO?  WHEN SOPE-A-MANIA'S SHENANIGANS RUN WILD ON YOU, BROTHER!?

You may hate the Skipler, but you have to love his QB Cam Newton antics:

I love it.  Cam Newton's swagger is striking fear in the hearts of White America's moral fibers.  Check out this complaint letter a Panther's fan wrote him, I bet she had to fight hard to hold back from dropping an N- Bomb in it:

Because of where we sat, we had a close up view of your conduct in the fourth quarter. The chest puffs. The pelvic thrusts. The arrogant struts and the ‘in your face’ taunting of both the Titans’ players and fans. We saw it all.

My daughter sensed the change immediately – and started asking questions. Won’t he get in trouble for doing that? Is he trying to make people mad? Do you think he knows he looks like a spoiled brat?

I didn’t have great answers for her, and honestly, in an effort to minimize your negative impact and what was otherwise a really fun day, I redirected her attention to the cheerleaders and mascot.

1.) #5 The Butt Fumbler's 89.4 pts (5-5)

#11 Dickhead 87.8 pts (3-7)

JR Says: 3 Barn Burners!

JR showing some Barn Burner love again as part of Skipler's Axis of Rtards, Dickhead, loses yet another game.

Dickhead still stuck with his "awesome" tandem of QB's that he could not Shenani- Trade, even if his life depended on it:

There you have it, the key to beating Aaron Rodgers.  You just have to scream offensive things during the National Anthem that get under his skin and clearly resonate in his head throughout the game.  Does he not realize that all Syrian Refugees are terrorists!!??  Or that Hillary Clinton has a dumpy butt and 7 chins!!???

Maybe you can't really blame Dickhead for such and awful and shitty season.  He most likely is suffering from Rabies after his recent run- ins with this disgusting nightmare weasel:

Maybe things will stay positive for everyone's favorite DARK CLOUD. He now has Tom Brady's favorite white mini receiver by default on his team, who coincidentally was apart of this recap's RTARDED PLAY OF THE WEEK:

This week we were treated to the absolute lamest Beef/ controversy ever.  It made me embarrassed to be a white person.  This came to us from JJ Watt's sick burn against Wirty's QB Andy Dalton.  Things were taken to a Tolsdorfian level when JJ Watt said they made Dalton look like a Red Rider BB Gun.  Dalton returned fire at a press conference by displaying a public level of Butt Hurt that would make even Tolsdorf cringe.  When shit goes down between black players, shit gets real.  Bitches get smacked, people end up on Steve Smith Sr's hit list.  JJ Watt really could have shown us something here and called The Red Rifle a Red Rocket.  You will never see a better "drop the mic" moment than if you compare an angry soul- less ginger to a raging Dog Boner on national television. When whitey's get angry, disappointment ensues.

Don't worry Wirty, I haven't forgotten, my "Fartassian x Wirty" debut is still on its way.  Your number has been called and I definitely do not want to disappoint.  Things could be worse, you could be Ed Fartassian.  His number gets called weekly.

Wirty may not belong in a league as progressive as this.  Sometimes you just have to ask yourself, does Wirty even know what Farm to Table means?