Week 11 Recap

Finally, the Sope HAS COME BACK to 1st Place and Weekly High scoring glory.

 

Weekly high score:

Sope Pro- 137.4 pts

Sacko Civil War Update:

Team Skipler: 6, 859.4 pts

Team Sope: 6, 973.7 pts

Now it is playoff preview time, so things will get really serial, I so super mean it.

6.) #8 Beats By Ray (5-6) 117.1 pts > 

#3 Polk High Panthers (7-4) 44.4 pts

JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!

44.4 pts?  44.4 pts!  That was not a typo, Polk High set their lineup and managed 44.4 pts.  Ew.  I meant to hex you in previous recaps but I did not realize I had the power to hex you to the tune of 44.4 pts.

I did promise Tommy some reverse hexing in return for a late round draft pick, so here it goes.  BBR's resident predator head, Devonta Freeman is highly questionable this week after suffering extensive dread damage; BBR looks to make the run with 2 second harvest running backs Rawls and Blue and a ton of 2nd tier wide receivers; this just in, Delanie Walker is still a FATBOY SLICE:

BBR Outlook: Currently 1 win out of a playoff spot and has enough Points Forced to be able to win any tiebreakers against teams ahead of him.  With that being said, there is a great schedule ahead for a team in 8th place, needing to get to at least 6th.  BBR will be going up against #7 and #6, Butt Fumblers and Victorious Secret respectively (2 of the 3 6-5 teams directly ahead of BBR).  If he goes 2-0, he's in.  1-1, he will need a lot of help but it is still possible, 0-2 it will be time to set the lineup for the SACKO bowl.  BBR will look to piggy back the last- minute Thomas Rawls pickup to either make a playoff run or save him from the Tourney de SACKO.

PHP Outlook: Currently part of the top 4 teams sitting at 7-4 on the season. They are juuuuust on the outside of a 1st round bye.  If PHP wins this week vs Weeks, odds will obviously increase in his favor for that bye because there will be 1 less team with only 4 losses vying for a 1st round bye.  Week 13 vs Butt Fumblers will have major playoff positioning implications one way or another, but things are too muddled to tell exactly what they are right now.

5.) #1 Sope Pro (7-4) 137.4 pts >

#4 Brees Nuts (7-4) 78.5 pts

JR Says: 0 Barnburners!

SP Outlook: Currently at #1 solely due to having the highest amount of Points Forced.  This week is a tough match up against the shenanigans laden **Defending Champ Skipler (EJ's Calvin Johnson with 3 TDs?  Suck my balls), and then an easy playoff tune- up game vs Larry in the final week.

Bree's Nuts Outlook: Right now BNGE is #4 out of the top 4 at 7-4.  Just like Polk High, a win this week will most likely knock the other out of the running for a 1st round bye.  With a loss this week and bad luck, Weeks could at worst be facing a win and your in match up vs Skipler week 13.

Weeks vs PHP and Skipler in his remaining schedule:

4.) #7 Butt Fumblers (6-5) 91.1 pts > 

#2 Reverse Cow Girls (7-4)54.0 pts

JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!

54.0 pts?  54.0 pts!  That was not a typo, Polk High Taco (with help) set his lineup and managed 54.0 pts.  Ew.  I meant to hex you in previous recaps but I did not realize I had the power to hex you to the tune of 54.0 pts.

Yes, that was copied and the pasted.  RCG's week was on the same level of shitty as Polk High's.  This was a very weird week for (at the time, haha suck it!) our league's #1 and #2 teams.  This was another hex that went too far, but I don't feel as bad because of the old man shenanigans.  You hexed yourself by accepting Jansson's blood money.  Not only did your new QB and TE (A Rodge and George Olsen) under- perform, here is your real- life QB right now:

(idk if the audio works on this but here is a transcript-

Aaron Rodger's hot helmet mic: " AHHHH FUCK!!!!")

BF Outlook: Currently, just on the wrong side of the right side of the playoffs.  This can really go either way and much will be clarified after this week's pivotal match up vs Beats By Ray.  The reason it is so up in the air is because on week 13, they go against Polk High who will probably put up more than 44 points this time around.  

RCG Outlook:  Taco Enoksen truly controls his own destiny for a 1st round bye with an overall strong amount of Points Forced.  A decent match up vs Victorious Secret is up this week and then a playoff tune- up match up vs Ed is on board for week 13.  

3.) #12 Ed Fartassian (3-8) 79.2 pts >

# 10 Just Chill (4-7) 56.6 pts

JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!

This was a big rematch of last year's Sacko Bowl but with a reversed outcome this time around.  Scoring- wise, it was very predictable with the winner putting up less than 80 points, could this be a preview of this year's Sacko title match?  Not if Twatty has anything to say about it!

Ed Outlook: Easily a lock for the Sacko Bowl.  This was a huge W for our resident lovable losers and defending Sacko loser (no asterisks needed here).  A big Sacko match up vs Dickhead is up first this week.  A W here will be huge as it could possibly propel him out of the Sacko bye and will almost definitely keep him out of last place.  Week 13 vs #2 Taco will probably not go as smoothly.

JC Outlook: Right now they are 1 loss out of a Sacko bye.  If JC losses next week vs Twatty a Sacko Bye week will be almost inevitable as our current Sacko bye weekers are playing each othher and someone has to win that awful match up.  On week 13, JC plays #1 Sope Pro, so you know what to expect from that one.  Word to the wise Larry, start stocking up on free agents with favorable week 15 match ups. 

2.) #5 Skipler (6-5) 118.1 pts >

#9 Twatty (5-6) 85.1 pts

JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!

Gwatty's  sub- 90 point victory luck has been over for weeks now.  I said it once, I said it again, here it goes 1 more time.  SACKO DARK HORSES.  Their fall from grace continues as about 3- 4 weeks ago they went from playoff contenders to SACKO DARK HORSES and are knocking of the door of being SACKO favorites.  

Here is a sympathy FATBOY SLICE for you Watts, then a GIF representative of your season, followed by some rando- Skipler GIF's, because why- not?

Skipler Outlook: On top of the 3 teams at 6-5 battle for a playoff spot but has to play 2 of the top 4 teams in Sope Pro and Bree's Nuts respectively.  These tough match ups make Skipler's fate look like it is truly up in the air as a number of other teams can potentially overtake him with a Points Forced tiebreaker.  

Twatty Outlook: Every time I write a recap they are getting lower and lower in the standings.  Maybe Buck Allen can change things but probably not.  Twatty is as much of a lock to miss the playoffs as a 5-6 team could be.  They won't get in trouble of messing with a Sacko bye, but there is an extremely limited chance of a real playoff berth here.  Twatty loses a Points Forced tiebreaker to virtually everyone so they would need to win out and have at least 6 teams finish with a losing record.  There is a soft remaining schedule against Dickhead and then Larry though.

1.) #6 Victorious Secret (the good guys) (6-5) 116.9 pts >

#11 Victorious Secret (the bad guys/ really Dickhead) (3-8)110.2 pts

JR Says: 2 Barn Burners!

VS Outlook: Barely hanging on to the 6th and final real playoff spot.  2 huge match ups are on deck.  This week vs Shenanigan- laden Taco Enoksen and then next week vs Beats by Ray in a match up that can very well send the winner to the playoffs and the loser to the SACKO Bowl.  VS is in the middle of the 6-5 team's mess so it can really go either way within the next 2 weeks. 

Dickhead Outlook: Currently in a 3 way dogfight to get to the coveted #10 spot where you are equal parts shitty and lucky to have avoided a SACKO bye with such a shitty team.  It is all about this week's match up vs Ed, but you already knew that.  

Week 9/ 10 Recap

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Week 9 and 10 High Scorer(s):

1st Round Sacko Civil War draft pick,

Reverse Cow Girls (170.9 pts)

and

Reverse Cow Girls (154.6 pts)

If he keeps this up, we will be renaming the Sacko Belt the Taco.

Speaking of Sacko Civil War updates, I have 2 weeks of updates.  I don't care if you only need the 2nd one to tell what is going on, I did the math already, fuck you.

Week 9 Sacko Civil War update:

Team Skipler: 5,764.1 pts

Team Sacko: 5,781.7 pts

Week 10 Sacko Civil War update:

Team Skipler: 6,293.2 pts

Team Sacko: 6,450.9 pts

I see some separation, GO TEAM SACKO!

Sorry for last week, I was busy at Hula school.  I am so ready for the upcoming luau, that I might even kiss a dude:

6.) #1 Reverse Cow Girls 154.6 pts (7-3)

#9 Beats By Ray 77.9 pts (4-6)

JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!

Well there goes Tommy's comeback attempt.  Johnny Taco Enoksen wins this one behind his high scoring team of Kirk Cousins/ Jeremy Langford/ Ted Ginn Jr.  Those are the same names that strike fear in the heart of fantasy football players nationwide.  I guarantee you that if you ask Taco Enoksen to name the team that any ONE of those players plays for, he would be stumped.  Tommy should really be cursing Skipler's name right now instead.

YOU LIKE THAT!!!

TD is not out yet, just like Larry's late season resurgence, (which will inevitably be stopped by Sope Pro on week 13) they are technically 1 game out of a playoff spot.  It all makes sense when you have shitty teams out there like Dickhead or Fartassian's- you can have a team possibly make it to the right side of the playoffs with a losing record.  Not likely, but possible.  You just need to keep your luck from running out:

AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, START MARTAVIS BRYANT. . .EASY SOPE PRO TIP FOR THE WEEK, ALWAYS START MARTAVIS BRYANT WHEN NOT ON A BYE:

Here is another reminder of Tommy's season in a nutshell (please note, this drive did not end in a TD on this play but a Johnny Football INT in the end zone):

Now we need to keep things a little more PC around this league. Every time some one beats their opponent by anything even close to 2X their opponent's score, I want signed Affirmative Consent saying "Yes, you may take me upstairs and crush my pussy at this time."  Because of course, PC stands for PUSSY CRUSHING.

5.) #3 Brees Nuts 138.1 pts (7-3) 

#8 Twatty 82.1 pts (5-5)

JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!

Twatty's lowest points forced in the league are coming back to haunt them.  Pair that with the Edelman injury and I hereby declare them BYRON SOPE'S SACKO DARK HORSE OF 2015.  

Finally, Weeks changes his team name to a player on his roster, didn't want to point it out but things were getting a little awkward.  Carlos Hyde has moved onto bigger and better things on Sope Pro's bench.  I am glad you moved on.  It was getting a little weird for all parties involved.

And we all thought Week's team was going to just ride off into the sunset after what might have been the most R- Tarded 2nd round draft pick in recent history:

Watt's past couple of weeks have been as effective as screaming at a Grandma (you know this is solely meant to set up a completely unrelated GIF I need to share):

4.) #10 Just Chill 121.8 pts (4-6)

#7 Victorious Secret 72.6 pts (5-5)

JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!

JC is somehow still alive, but maybe it is time to give up on the Ameer Abdullah experiment, this 104 yard play = 0 fantasy points:

Larry after these past few weeks:

VS put together 2 sub- 80 point games in a row.  My hexing officially worked, onto my next targets.  At least Holly has sick D game:

And a QB who is not afraid to tell the Home Team fans to SUCK IT!

3.) #2 Polk High Panthers 114.8 pts (7-3)

#4 Sope Productions 97.2 pts (6-4)

JR Says: 1 Barn Burner!

PHP wins this battle of 6-3 teams and would be in 1st if it wasn't for Red Hulk/ Taco's latest dick- swinging efforts.

Look at Odell here, he looks like Bentley humping the back of Holly's leg:

Sope Pro would be better off streaming starting QB's rather than keep moving ahead with stupid Russell Wilson, no your energy drink that sponsors you does not "cure concussions" (look this up, he actually said that as his sponsored cringed at the amount of potential lawsuits).  It's all good now though because Tony Romo from "America's Scumbags" is being thrust into an immediate starting role on Sope Pro's lineup.

And sadly, I do have to announce that my time with Donte Manqueef is over.  He's all yours again Wirty!  This is the kind of move that makes my heart piss its pants.

2.) #12 Skipler's Saggy Balls 85.2 pts (2-8)

#6 Belt Wearing Skipler 77.4 pts (5-5) 

JR Says: 2 Barn Burners!

 

This was Ed's Fartassian's Super Bowl.  This was the one week of the year that he had circled on the schedule, knowing that he had to take home the W.  He did it!  He beat the opposing Sacko Civil War's captain.  No doubt, Skipler played down to Ed's level, putting in a 77 point effort, but a W against Skipler is a W against Skipler nonetheless, and for that, JR shares some extra Barn- Burning love even for such a low- scoring affair.

The PC fraternity did say something very smart this week that you can directly apply to Ed's friendship with me.  "Sometimes victims of oppression are so marginalized that they begin to sympathize with their oppressors. YEAH BRO!"

Skipler would still (miraculously)be in the Playoffs, if the season ended today.  It is that time of the year again.  I ask you all to stand up in unison and to fight the tyranny that is Skipler's Iron Reich.  We all know what he can do in the playoffs, so we must band together and put him down.  

(taco)

This GIF needs to = Skipler's playoff chances. . . We can do it!

And yes, you can expect questionable pre- determined Adds and Drops on the waiver wire.  The best way to fight shenanigans is with more Shenanigans.  It's SHENANAMANIA 2015 and WHATCHA GONNA DO?  WHEN SOPE-A-MANIA'S SHENANIGANS RUN WILD ON YOU, BROTHER!?

You may hate the Skipler, but you have to love his QB Cam Newton antics:

I love it.  Cam Newton's swagger is striking fear in the hearts of White America's moral fibers.  Check out this complaint letter a Panther's fan wrote him, I bet she had to fight hard to hold back from dropping an N- Bomb in it:

Because of where we sat, we had a close up view of your conduct in the fourth quarter. The chest puffs. The pelvic thrusts. The arrogant struts and the ‘in your face’ taunting of both the Titans’ players and fans. We saw it all.

My daughter sensed the change immediately – and started asking questions. Won’t he get in trouble for doing that? Is he trying to make people mad? Do you think he knows he looks like a spoiled brat?

I didn’t have great answers for her, and honestly, in an effort to minimize your negative impact and what was otherwise a really fun day, I redirected her attention to the cheerleaders and mascot.

1.) #5 The Butt Fumbler's 89.4 pts (5-5)

#11 Dickhead 87.8 pts (3-7)

JR Says: 3 Barn Burners!

JR showing some Barn Burner love again as part of Skipler's Axis of Rtards, Dickhead, loses yet another game.

Dickhead still stuck with his "awesome" tandem of QB's that he could not Shenani- Trade, even if his life depended on it:

There you have it, the key to beating Aaron Rodgers.  You just have to scream offensive things during the National Anthem that get under his skin and clearly resonate in his head throughout the game.  Does he not realize that all Syrian Refugees are terrorists!!??  Or that Hillary Clinton has a dumpy butt and 7 chins!!???

Maybe you can't really blame Dickhead for such and awful and shitty season.  He most likely is suffering from Rabies after his recent run- ins with this disgusting nightmare weasel:

Maybe things will stay positive for everyone's favorite DARK CLOUD. He now has Tom Brady's favorite white mini receiver by default on his team, who coincidentally was apart of this recap's RTARDED PLAY OF THE WEEK:

This week we were treated to the absolute lamest Beef/ controversy ever.  It made me embarrassed to be a white person.  This came to us from JJ Watt's sick burn against Wirty's QB Andy Dalton.  Things were taken to a Tolsdorfian level when JJ Watt said they made Dalton look like a Red Rider BB Gun.  Dalton returned fire at a press conference by displaying a public level of Butt Hurt that would make even Tolsdorf cringe.  When shit goes down between black players, shit gets real.  Bitches get smacked, people end up on Steve Smith Sr's hit list.  JJ Watt really could have shown us something here and called The Red Rifle a Red Rocket.  You will never see a better "drop the mic" moment than if you compare an angry soul- less ginger to a raging Dog Boner on national television. When whitey's get angry, disappointment ensues.

Don't worry Wirty, I haven't forgotten, my "Fartassian x Wirty" debut is still on its way.  Your number has been called and I definitely do not want to disappoint.  Things could be worse, you could be Ed Fartassian.  His number gets called weekly.

Wirty may not belong in a league as progressive as this.  Sometimes you just have to ask yourself, does Wirty even know what Farm to Table means?