Week 13 Recap:
"Regular Season Finale/ Big Glass Case of Emotion!!!!"
Now I know you guys are super excited as I have a World Record- breaking amount of Barn Burners and GIFs to showcase and here they come.
Very well. . .
BUT FIRST!
I'd like to share with you a few words about my wiener. . .
Oh soft, pink, with purple head.
Gently you lay with me, on my bed.
FROW! FROW! -
calls the wiener from on high.
A little tiny wiener,
still so pleasing to the eye.
Look at this wiener.
Judge it by its size.
Rub it 3 times,
and it has a surprise!
**Ahem Ahem. Well, no that THAT is out of the way, I present to you- the end of Regular Season Recap EXTRAVAGANZA! On a serious note, this will not be what you think it is. I am currently in a big glass case of emotions after losing by .3 pts. The only thing that could make me feel better is watching kids get destroyed by animals.
Don't worry, you read that right and you are not losing it. All recap long, you will see, laugh, and then subsequently feel awful, but then most likely laugh again at the babies and small children getting Ryan Gino style DOMINATED throughout the recap. Many small children will be sacrificed for our enjoyment and my butt- hurtness tonight. Try and find them all !!!
(Curse you OBAMER!!)
(Make sure you click on the "Greater Than" Sign other wise you are getting half the Sacko experience. (For Josh, that means the ( >) bless your heart))
6.) #4 The Reverse Cow Girls (8-5) 112.60 pts (>) 's
# 10 Twatty (4-9) 88.90 pts
JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!
This was by far the most Uber Lame of all matchups this week. Luckily for Twatty the L was meaningless. If another team (that I will be getting to shortly) would have won, he would have had a week off and be bumped right to the Sacko semi-finals. Your season went out just like a bloody tampon sitting right on top of the bathroom' garbage, "YOU SHOULDIN OF DONE THAT, HE'S JUST A BOY".
If the RCG's lost, they would still be facing Victorious Secret. BFD! I promise you, the lameness will stop here as this was a kind of exciting week in the land of the Sacko. I will take the lameness of this matchup and raise two ANIMALS VS SMALL CHILDREN:
5.) #7 Cruzin All the Way (6-7) 102.02 pts (>) 's
#11 Coming to You Live (3-10) 82.88 pts
JR Says: 1 Barn Burner!
FINALLY! Now that we got the riff raff out of the Recap (i.e. that last shitty matchup) We can start catching up with some goddamn Barn Burners. The score was not thatttt close. But it was close enough and this matchup actually meant something, so it gets a BB! This loss solidified CTYL with a Sacko Bye.
Cruzin was not about make his position much better or worse for this was a pretty meaning-less matchup. As for CTYL, this was your matchup to lose and a job well done sir because YOU NAILED IT! I do not know what is more up in the air right now, the real championship, or the much more publicized Sacko Bowl but nonetheless CTYL will be a major player. If they end up taking home the BROWN, I know a victory jersey that would suit your season perfectly. (And for the Tolsdorf's reading this, simply run down your roster, you should be able to get the reference)
4.) #12 Butt Fumblers (3-10) 115.74 pts
(>) 's
#9 LRY VLNS (5-8)107.68 107.68 pts
JR Says: 2 Barn Burners!
Wirty Win Alert!! Wirty Win Alert!! WEEEE !!! WOOOO!!! WEEE!! WOOO!!
A statement win for the Butt Fumblers (as much as a statement as you can possibly make while in last place with the least points forced). You do not want to see this guy in the semi's of the Sacko, lemmetellya!
3.) #1 Cleveland Steamer's (11-2) 117.10 pts
(>) 's
#8 Stage Kisses R Gay (5-8) 114.30 pts
JR Says: 3 Barn Burner's!
I want to start this one off by completely going on a tangent. . . What the fuck was Full Bill doing in Minnesota this weekend and why is he wearing AP's jersey, doesn't he know that Dickhead rep the Bad Guys!!??
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/sadbQARtAM4" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
(FULL BILL IN MN!! if it doesn't work)
This was an unexpectedly close one. Cleveland couldn't really get better and Stage Kisses couldn't really get worse. I know what you really want from me here, and you will get 4x the kids vs animals!!!:
God I love the interwebs!!!!
2.) #5 Victorious Secret (8-5) 136.14 pts
(>)'s
#6 Negro Sailfish (6-7) 133.58
JR Says: 3 Barn Burners!
VS has been on a bit of a Hot (Carl) streak and picks up another High score. Negro Sailfish becomes the first Real Playoff team with a losing record (I think?). That is some shenanigans, legal shenanigans but still shenanigans. While I am on the subject of shenanigans. I call shenanigans on this!!!:
And this:
And this:
And this:
This:
This:
Thisss:
( Ewwwww )
Annnddd This:
(See last week's recap)
And now. Your Fucking Fuck Fuck Main Event Fuck!!!!
1.) #2 Dickhead (10-3) 126.40 pts
(>) 's
#3 Sope Productions (9-4) 126.10 pts
GOD
DAMN
IT !!!!
JR Says: 3 Barn Burners!
JR STROKE FACE ALERT, WHOOP DEE F' N DOO:
Here is the quick summary of what happened in the end of the matchup.
First this happened:
A shoe- in Victory for Sope Pro and Flash Gordon! Look at this guy, his knee hurts so bad he is crying!!!
Then this happened:
Oh but it is ok because Sope Pro only need 2 points in the 4th quarter to get the W and then this happened:
Myaahh. . . See here Russell Wilson, just keep handing the ball off for 4 downs when Sope Pro needs 3 FUCKING YARDS RUSHING or 7.5 FUCKING YARDS THROWING.
Well that recap was exhausting and I started typing on my first beer and now I have a strong buzz going. I'm ready to bro down. Good thing that none of the 4 active Sacko teams have anything to update on. I will text the link to this blog for updates on the Sacko matchups when I type them in. Remember, It is LRY VLNS vs Stage Kisses and Twatty vs Cruzin right now.
Catch you R Tards on the Sacko Side.
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