Semis Recap/ Sacko Semis Recap/ Super Bowl Preview/ Sacko Bowl Preview!!!
Finallly, THE SACKO BOWL has come BACK! To the neck of SOMEONE not NAMED WIRRR-TY!
We are now at the most anticipated weekend of the fantasy year. Not the real year,because its not St. Patrick Day yet. As far as the fantasy world is concerned, this is it:The Sacko Bowl!
And I am talking about Fantasy as in Fantasy Football. Not World of Warcraft Tolsdorf and not Asian Puke Porn Josh. Goddammit.
The regular playoffs are pretty lame if you look at it:
5th and 6th seed played for 5th place last week as Negro Sailfish beat Victorious Secret.
The 3rd and 4th Seeds are playing for 3rd place this week as Sope Productions takes on The Reverse Cow Girls.
#1 and #2 play in the championship.
Overall: LAME!
The Sacko Bowl however, is a whole nother monster!
Right off of the bat, in the first round, there were 2 upsets. This sent the higher seeds Cruzin and Stage kisses to face off against the dismal Sacko Bye teams. Looking at the lineups you would think their misery was over.
NOPE! 2 MORE UPSETS.
Now we have our 2013 SACKO BOWL:
CRUZIN ALL THE WAY VS STAGE KISSES R GAY
It has a nice little sound to it.
Somehow, SOMEHOW! the 7th and 8th seeds made it into the SACKO BOWL. You start with 2 ugly rosters, sprinkle in some gross waiver wire picks ups and some even worse lineup choices, add 15 weeks of NFL and then you have this glorious matchup.
Rosterbating to this one is like masturbating to BBBW scat porn and Josh knows exactly what I mean on that. If you don't, (and I bet you do!) a simple Google- search with the Parental Blocks turned off should help make that joke a little clearer.
Looking at Cruzin's roster WTF HAPPENED!? Peyton Manning and Wes Welker combo on the same team? Is there a combo with more TDs? Cruzin should have been the one earlier in the season that said "WILL BLOW FOR YOUR BACKUP RUNNING BACKS" because now they are playing in the Sacko Bowl literally with backup running backs in their starting lineup. Every Goddamn week.
As for Stage Kisses, this Sacko run is Half Part DURRRR and Half part . . . who am I kidding? it is all parts DURRRRRRRR!!
Look at their lineup today. There are starting players that you can find 5 better replacements for on the waiver wire. I cannot even begin to think of what the thought- process would sound like. (imagine your best R Tard voice) "Well ahh, DURR!! this guy once caught 2 Touch down passes in a game I one saw once the Television 6 years ago, DURRR!!" and just like that, a 3rd string Tight End cracks Stage Kisses starting lineup. Every Goddamn week.
I'm pretty sure that Wirty and Tolsdorf put their money together and paid off (in awful collusion manner) these two Sacko Starlets.
As for the Superbowl, on the complete opposite side of the brackets, we have Cleveland Steamers vs Dickhead.
If you want to look at the Sacko Bowl being aka'ed as the Vagisil Bowl, then this one could be known as the Cialis Bowl.
The curse of the bye week was broken 2x this year after #2 Dickhead beat #3 Sope Pro and #1 Cleveland beat #4 Reverse Cow Girls.
On the bright side, it feels right to have the playoffs work out this way because I am pretty sure that there was never a Semi Final combined point scoring total than last week. It is like the complete opposite of a night out where Watts, Paul Wall, and Tolsdorf are trying to get the OTHER kind of points.
If there is a lesson to be learned I can voice it as the only owner under 40 still alive in the league in a positive manner. . .
Stop being such pussies! Trade players, drop players, and add a player that did not have a one time only 20 point game the previous week. We will have to change the name of the league from the Sacko Bowl to "No Trading League of Extraordinary Vaginas".
I know it is not catchy, but it makes perfect sense. There were countless trades that the bottom 6 teams could have made but didn't and in turn they look like a bunch of Vag's (Wirty aside, he traded and saved his season)
Take The Butt Fumbler's for instance, got rid of AP and got value for this year and next. AP gets hurt and the BFs are not in the Sacko Bowl.
Josh was offered trades for Ray Rice and Chris Johnson and Tolsdorf for Trent Richardson. Watts could have gotten ride of Waiver Wire Fodder Colston and Lamar Miller. As for Larry, wellll, no one really wanted anyone from his team. You sir can keep your Bilal Powell, I will be fine with my RBS who are actually on the top of their respective depth charts.
Wow their seasons would be way different if they had balls rather than a dry leathery Vag. Instead, league members would get the occasional god awful trade offer. No I will not give up Arian Foster for Jericho Cotchery!
MJD and others for T Rich, or S Jackson and others for Chris Johnson sounds awesome now.
Tomorrow you can all witness the Sacko Bowl unravel first hand at O'Reilly's at 1 pm in Oakdale. The Sacko Bowl will be decided by the end of the 4 pm games and the Shiny Ball Sack will be on hand! And then subsequently on neck!
As long as Josh doesn't pull a Josh and not show up when he is counted on.
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