WEEK II RECAP:

(Good Gawd he damn near broke him in Two!)

Looking to do a quick one this week be if you have been living under a rock or at the Enoksen household, you would know GTA 5 just came out.  I'm going to get Hot Pockets for fuel, Ben Gay for my Carpal Tunnels, and no one will hear from me until Holly does:

"HOLLLLLYYY! BATHROOM!"  ** DIARHEA SPLATTER**

Luckily the Barns are not Burning bright this week as it was blow out city in the land of the Sacko.

6.) #5 Cruzin (1-1) 107.88 pts         beats       #11 Coming in my Mouth to you Live (0-2) 70.38 pts

JR says: 0 Barn Burners

Not the biggest blow out on the board but any matchup lost by 30 + featuring a team in the 70's will definitely put JR to sleep.  It looks like Coming to you Live may be playing for next year's first draft pick already (LeSean Mc Coy(( quick shout out to Sope Pro)).  

List of potential sleepers for Coming to You Live to rebound from 2-0 start:

1.) Ahmad Bradshaw IND RB. . .

He is definitely on Cruzin's trading block and Ahmad has no other RB's in his way.  No other RB's.

2.) Barry Sanders DET RB. . .

Guy ran a 4.2 40 at the Combine (you will probably have to Google what that means.) and now that Reggie Bush has a bum knee he may finally see some action out of the Lion's backfield.

3.) Aaron Hernandez NE TE. . .

When he retunrs to the field he is sure to be Tom Terrific's top target!

"What happened to Aaron Hernandez?  Is he Ok?"  ***concerned look on face***

(SPOILER ALERT)

JUST SO YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULD BE PROUD OF ME FOR  MAKING IT TO THE WEEK 3 SEGMENTS BEFORE MAKING MY FIRST AARON HERNANDEZ JOKE.

5.) #4 LRY VLNS (2-0) 111.36 pts.        beats        #12 The Butt Fumblers (0-2) 85.22 pts

JR says: 0 Barn Burners

CtyL may have some serious competition, these guys really want Shady Mc Coy.  The Silver Balls must be getting heavy and weighing down Wirty's hands when he is picking his lineups.  Either that or cutting off the blood flow to his brain.  FYI: Dallas Clark is not in his 20's and catching passes from Peyton anymore.  If I were you, I would trade a certain Barn Burning RB for a bunch of players.  However, I would not do it with anyone over the age of 40 not named Johnny E.

4.) #7 Twatty (1-1) 132.04 pts       beats  #9 Password is Taco  The Reverse Cow Girls (0-2) 112.92 pts

JR says: 0 Barn Burner's

Too bad the Cowboys don't get to play the Giants every week . . . . ZINGER!  

In this matchup, which I like to call "Return of the Twatt" JE makes a great waiver wire pickup in order to keep it within 20 pts.  I wonder how he ever drew up the testicular fortitude to draft that one Hmmmm??  

Your weekly Romo/ Cowboys looking dumb GIF ( I can make a top 6 list on these alone every week):

If only he could "tuck" the ball as well as he can tuck his penis in between his legs.  "HEY LOOK JERRY! THIS IS WHAT THEY CALL THE MANGINA, NOW BEND OVER AND TAKE IT!"

3.) #1 CLEVELAND STEAMERS (2-0) 149.40pts  beats #10 Stage Kisses R Gay (0-2) 90.22 pts

JR says: 0 Barn Burners

You are probably saying to yourself right now, "Why would this matchup be ranked #3 when Cleveland dropped a JUGGERNUT on Stage Kisses?" verbatim.  

 (For Josh - http://dictionary.reference.com/  keep it up big guy, soon you'll be reading at a 5th grade level!)

Well the answer is that this matchup was a little more important than your average Sacko Slapfight with the biggest score so far a new #1 is crowned.  FOR NOW!  (Check out the preview tomorrow)

4.) #3 Victorious Secret (2-0) 136.56 pts   beats  #6 Negro Sailfish (1-1) 122.50 pts

JR says: 1 Barn Burner

WOO HOO!  Finally, first Barn Burner of the week!  Good thing that Wide Receivers are a thing because this one would have sucked without them.  Did you hear that Aaron Hernandez went in to jail a Tight End and if he gets out he will be a Wide Receiver (OHH 2 this week, already made up for lost time).  

MAIN EVENT OF THE WEEK!!!!!! (completely by default because it was the only non-blowout)

1.) #2 Sope Productions (2-0) 102.98 pts   beats     #8 The Bitches (1-1) 95.28 pts

JR says:

Who am I kidding? This week sucked, JR is passed out at the announcer table.  And in walks:

Suzyn!!!

"OF AWL THE DRAHMAHTIC THINGS JAWN!  THIS ONE WAS NAWT LOOKING SO CLOSE UNTIL SUNDAY NOIGHT!  I GOTTA TELL YA JAWN, THE WILSON BAWLS WERE FITTING IN THEA MUCH TOUGHTER THAN CAWLIN KAEPERNICK'S.  GOODNESS GRACIOUS, OF ALL THE DRAHMATIC THINGS I HAVE EVA SEEN JAWN! THAT IS WHEN THE SEATTLE D TURNED THINGS AROUND AND SECURED THE W FOR SOPE PRODUCTIONS.  BACK TO YOU JAWN!  OH YEAH AND, JETTAAHHH!"

Well so much for keeping it short.  Looks like I'm pulling an XBOX binder.  Btw I bet Tolsdorf didn't make it down this far because he is still on the fantasy page wondering why Barry Sander's will not come up in the Free Agent Search.