SACKO BOWL YEAR 14 (I Think?)

SACKO BOWL SEASON 7:

EDDY SACKO AND THE DEATHLY SWALLOWS

WEEK 8+9 RECAP

Week 8 HS:

Sope Productions - 109.8 pts (somehow)

Week 8 Sacko Civil War Update:

Owners: 4,697.9 pts

Kneelers: 4,545.8 pts

Week 9 HS:

Larry Villains - 136.2 pts (That's more like it!)

Week 9 Sacko Civil War Update:

Wardens: 5,297.6 pts

Inmates: 5,109.7 pts

2 weeks of catching up to do. Going to try and make this one quick!

Week 8 Recap:

6.) #1 Sope Pro (7-1) 109.8 pts

#11 Eddy Sacko (2-6) 95.1 pts

JR Says: 1 Barn Burner!

Sope Pro keeps rolling along backpedaling through the regular season.

Meanwhile, Ed's roster continues to be the prime location for where Fantasy (and real life!) careers go to die. No, not like Twatty's retirement home roster, more so in the devastating hex kind of way:

5.) #8 Larry Villains (3-5) 81.6 pts

#7 Suck my Clinton-Dix (3-5) 71.7 pts

JR Says: 2 Barn burners!

Openly trading draft picks mid season is one of 2 ways to upset the Fantasy Football gods other than direct collusion. Just because you can, doesn't mean you always should.

Anyway, Larry gets a freebie here and the fantasy football gods continued their wrath, smiting Zach Ertz the following week.

4.) #3 Dickhead (5-3) 99.9 pts

#12 Reverse Cowgirls (2-6) 91.4 pts

JR Says: 2 Barn burners!

Join forces to keep Dickhead out of the top 2 so he has to start the playoffs without Zeke!

Remember how I said there were 2 ways to piss off the fantasy football gods other than direct collusion? Well #2 is complaining and bitching and moaning about every move that doesn't involve you. You're a grown man for Jeebus sake!

I am going to go as far as giving you a lesson in Shenanigans . . . next week . . .which really means a few lines down. . .

3.)#2 The Butt Fumblers (7-1)

#10 Skipler (3-5)

JR Says: 2 Barn burners!

Apparently all Marshawn needed to get his grove was to run over some HS kids while being suspended while SURELY breaching his NFL contract on many levels. I'm sure Skip benched him in his bounce back week and I am double sure that he will start him week 10 when Marshawn rushes for 15 yards on 14 carries in this week's edition of Fantasy Football Go Fuck Yourself! **Spoliers** I can verify one of the two statements are correct.

God the internet really missed out on a thing. It could have had Russell Wilson randomly appearing playing the air flute violently in famous GIFs. You can't have it all, I guess.

2.) #4 Mississippi Mud Butts (5-3) 100.9 pts

#6 Land of the Lost (4-4) 93.9 pts

JR Says: 2 Barn Burners!

Where one falls, another will always rise. By that I am referring to eccentric black wide receivers. I was worried about the lack of sideline shenanigans with OBJ out for the year but bless you Weeks, you already found his replacement and I am all in on JUJU WATCH!!

Image result for juju smith schuster meme

Ernie put up some points this week but still not enough to keep up.

1.) #9 Twatty (3-5) 104.9 pts

#5 Polk High Panthers (4-4) 102.7

JR Says: 3 Barn Burners!

Although this recap is 2 weeks late, the wounds are still fresh and I wouldn't let this glaring scar on Fern's lineup sneak by.

I need you to play Sarah Mclachlan Sad Unadopted Puppies/ Dead Full Bill's memorial music in your head now:

"I Will remember you?"

"Will you rmemeber me??

Let Polk High's roster woes (separate from his injury woes) serve as a PSA to you all. If you make a trade, be ready for the 2 day review period. Those players will not help you after their game kicks off!

Week 9 Recap

The "What are Shenanigans Edition"

6.) #3 Mississippi Mud Butts (6-3) 84.1 pts

#11 Eddy Sacko (2-7) 67.3 pts

JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!

IT'S

WATCHHHHH!

Our boy Juju is off the streets and into a new car. It has been a whirlwind few weeks of emotion for everybody's new favorite player. I love the new and improved OBJ so much better personally. He was off to a great start by not having Douschey bleach- blonde curls in his hair.

But I digress.

Juju lost his bicycle, got it back.

Shut down a massively internet-famous porn star.

Learned how to drive from an American Hero.

Vote JUJU as your fill in for this year's Fantasy Football blog MVP!

Watch this dumb baby cry as Ted Ginn tries to give him a TD ball. Stupid baby, don't you know you are a Saints fan. Maybe he is smarter than I am giving his tiny toddler brain credit for and he is actually freaking out about the giant sausage fingers of the living breathing Stranger Danger Alert behind him who is trying to pull the ball away from the 2 year old. But why is a 2 year old even at the game? Ahhh so many questions but I don't really care about any of them.

Also, lets watch Jameis Winston's pregame speech that obviously precluded a blowout thrashing becauase who exactly would get pumped up by something like this? Are W's not a part of Ed's diet? Is this why he lost so much weight??

Is this Shenanigans? The answer is yes! Actually, yes twice:

It is shenanigans that the Giants were ever proclaimed the best team in NY and it is also shenanigans that NFL teams do not tank for draft picks at this point of the season. Look at this debauchary on 3rd and 33!

Also a fantasy football game happened, Weeks won, Ed lost but who really cares about that.

5.) #8 Skipler (4-5) 99.3 pts

#9 Land of the Lost (4-5) 57.2 pts

JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!

Is it shenaigans? YES!

The good old fashioned diversion Shenanigan, displayed here, was nailed to a T! Shenanigans come in all shapes and sizes, remember that. It is just unfortunate for Skipler that there are over 400,000 running video cameras at each and every NFL game (doubt that #? you won't look it up, so carry on.) and that is why Skip will be without his top WR in a juicy match up next week. Against Ernies . . .

JETS!

(That segway made me moist)

In a year where the Jets are actually fantasy relevant, only Ernie can pick out just enough of them to keep his team fantasy irrelevant.

4.) #6 Larry Villains (4-5) 136.2 pts

#2 The Butt Fumbers (7-2) 107.1 pts

JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!

Speaking of top wide outs getting suspended. IS IT SHENANIGANS!?

Yes and No! No it isn't shenanigans because AJ had it coming after what Jalen Ramsey probably said about HIS MOMMA. Yes, it is shenanigans because The Butt Fumblers should PROBABLY be without their top WR this week but you can't win them all, sometimes the bad guys do win.

IS IT SHENANIGANS! You tell me!

Everything about this fucking play is shenanigans! In a week where Larry is the highest scorer, I guess anything goes now. Who even needs rules or point totals to win anymore. Fuck you.

3.) #5 Polk High Panthers (5-4) 100.2 pts

#12 Reverse Cow Girls (2-7) 93.1 pts

JR Says: 1 Barn Burner!

Fern is sneakily 5-4 after some successful moves:

However, in this week's edition of Fantasy Footbal Go Fuck Yourself, he benched this guy only to (most likely) start him this week, where he will surely rush 9 times for -2 yards to go with 1 catch for 1 yard OR taer his ACL. Pick your poison.

Damn, I probably should have traded a waiver WR for Ajayi from Fern back when I probably could have got him before he was traded away by the loathsome dolphins (Only threw that jab in there because I know it would make Dickhead tittylated with rage)

This gif is the only mention I will make of Taco's team this week and it fits perfectly:

2.) #7 Suck my Clinton-Dix (4-5) 97.5 pts

#4 Dickhead (5-4) 94.8 pts

JR Says: 2 Barn Burners!

Not even Starvin Marvin Jone's heroic effots on Monday night could seal this one . . .

In two weeks loaded with Barn Burners, this could have easily been the best one, it was painfully close but here is where the Shenanigans kick back in. I am not writing that much about the matchup. Dickhead loses another close one to fall to 5-4 and lost his RB1A after losing his RB1B. The Fantasy God never lie!

1.) #1 Sope Productions (8-1) 114.4 pts

#10 Twatty (3-6) 112.4 pts

JR Says: 3 Barn Burners!

And now, the moral of the story. Shenanigans come in all shapes and sizes as I previously mentioned and told you to remember, DO YOU MEMBER!? However, you always run a major risk when partaking in shenanigans. If they blow up in your face, you look like a major jackass turd sandwich and will have the entire internet (in Lewis below's case) or the entire league (in Dickhead's case) pointing and laughing at you. In conclusion, do not trade a middle of the pack Defense for a top 3 QB in a clear act of collusion and think you can get away with it and then throw a man-child esque hissy- fit because it got vetoed and start offering half-assed shenanigan laden trades that you know simple Ed will accept even though, as I explained to him, the trade wasn't "Real-Life" but everyone really knows the man-baby fit stems from your team quickly deteriorating. Holy run-on sentences Bat Dad!