Week 7 + 8 Recaps!

Week 7 High Score - 

Dickhead 136.2 pts

Week 8 High Score - 

Suck My Clinton- Dix 125.7 pts

Sacko Civil War Week 7 Update:

Olds- 4,559.7 pts

Youngs- 4,415.6 pts

Sacko Civil War Week 8 Update:

Olds- 5,206.7 pts

5,028.7 pts

Week 7!!!!

6.) #5 Reverse Cow Girls (4-3) 118.1 pts bests

#9 Larry Rocks (2-5) 61.0 pts

JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!

Reverse Cow Girls hanging onto postseason dreams while Larry is gearing up for a Sacko Bowl tournament berth for the 5th consecutive year.  The Shenanigans Skip trade is looking better for JOHNNY E 

( :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :):) :) :) :) :):) :) :) :) :) !!!!!!!! ) 

Larry did get absolutely mugged in this one.

Now I know sequels are mostly pretty lame compared to the original. . . but I am going to need you to keep an open mind here.  This one involves one of Larry's players.  

First you had the infamous BUTT FUMBLE, who could forget.  Today I present to you:

THE NUT FUMBLE

5.) #4 Twatty (5-2) 124.2 pts bests

#12 Lady Boy Jansson (2-5) 94.2 pts

JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!

Just wanted to throw it out there that after the drag of typing the results week in and week out, I do get some joy in fully typing out Ed's team's name every week.  

Watts, I don't know if your'e still really out there or not.  but just in case you are, I want you to know I haven't forgotten about you:

FATBOY SLICE!

4.) #7 Suck My Clinton Dix (3-4) bests

#11 Suck my Skipler (2-5)

JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!

If 1/2 a Barn Burner was a thing, this match up would get it.

Tommy can attribute his return from the dead to a little factor that used to take me to the top.  Blackness.  You need to have as many black players as possible in your lineup.  No whitey's allowed.  Not even punters if it was a position:

3.) #6 Butt Fumblers (3-4) 131.7 pts bests

#3 Mississippi Mud Buts (5-2) 117.0 pts

JR Says: 1 Barn Burners!

Weeks losing streak??  Weeks losing streak!!

2.) #1 Dickhead (6-1) 131.7 pts bests

#10 Polk High Panthers (2-5) 128.6 pts

Looks like Dickhead is really starting to touch the $ out there. You know what happens next.  I curse thee!

The worst part about this is that Fern was 1 OT gimme Field Goal away from beating Dickhead:

1.) #8 Sope Pro (2-5) 91.9 pts bests

#2 Land of the Lost (6-1) 90.5  pts

This one is a no- brainer main event.  LET'S HEAR IT FOR MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL GARBAGE TIME!!  It all came down to a BS Deandre Hopkins catch vs PREVENT DEFENSE!  It was the only way stupid Brock Osweiler could throw him the Effing ball!  I know I watched all 60 mins of that awful passing attack . . .

Week 8 !!!!

6.) #6 Suck my Hillary Clinton- Dix (4-4) 125.7 pts bests

#11 Larry Rocks (2-6) 93.7 pts

JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!

Larry might want to start thinking about next year while SmHCD finds himself right in the precious #6 spot which I am sure will soon be a clusterfuck.

5.) #9 Lady Boy Jansson (3-5) 98.8 pts bests

#10 Sope Pro (2-6) 79.6 pts

JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!

I remember the good old days.  The good old days when I could throw darts at a printout of my roster and throw whoever I hit out there for a W against Ed.  The good old days when I could take Ed out to a Halloween party and end the night with my balls in his face.  Those days are no longer, sad frowny face.

This match up was the Sacko equivalent of Browns vs Jets.  Goddammit. I guess I'm the super underachieving goddamn Jets here:

At least I'm not perennial shit eating Browns like my opponent from this week is!

4.) #4 Twatty (6-2) 119.2 pts bests

#12 Polk High Panthers (2-6) 101.4 pts 

JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!

Polk High is selling now!  Who else is buying?  Other than me at 2-6, goddammit again.  Twatty is actually putting together a respectable season for the first time since the 1st year of the Sacko.

3.) #5 Reverse Cow Girls (5-3) 107.6 pts bests

#1 Dickhead (6-2) 94.1 pts

JR Says: 1 Barn Burner!

Dickhead touched the $ and in result he gets hexed, from the hex I created 5 minutes ago! You and TY Paris Hilton can go suck it!

Reverse Cowgirls should feel guilty from trade raping poor Skipler even though poor simple Johnny has no idea what is going on.  Oh Taco, don't ever change!

After years and years of me complaining about lame soccer and how it sucks to tie all the time.  We get 2 TIES in the past 2 weeks . . . What the fuck!?

2.) #8 Skipler (3-5) 110.1 pts bests

#7 Butt Fumblers (3-5) 102.7 pts

JR Says: 2 Barn Burners!

I'll go ahead and say it.  Based on Skipler's year so far, this one technically is an upset.  Not on the level of last week's Sope vs undefeated Ernie ***scoff scoff, but it's a big win nonetheless.

1.)#2 Mississippi Mud Butts (6-2) 114.3 pts 

#3 Land of the Lost (6-2) 113.2 pts 

JR Says: 3 Barn Burners!

This was a big match up that lived up to the hype.  Now only if we can keep beating up on Dickhead now that there are three 6-2 teams at the top.  It will be interesting to see who walks away with the first round bye after the next few weeks are done.

I stole this from The Chive. . .

What men say they want from the cheerleader's annual slutty Halloween costumes:

Here is what they really want: