Sacko Bowl Season 6
Week 3 Recap
Weekly High Scorer:
Beats By Ray
143.9 pts
SACKO CIVIL WAR UPDATE
(my gawd what a turn of events!)
Of course Dickhead Jansson had to touch the $$$ after 2 weeks of the season:
Old Fucks:
1,946.7 pts
Mo-lennials:
1,955.1
6.) #8 Beats By Ray (1-2) 143.9 pts
8==D
#12 Lady Boy Jansson (0-3) 105.3 pts
JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!
This one looked like your classic "someone has to actually win a game this week match up" but it actually turned out to be a respectable battle with almost 250 points scored.
Ed has his best showing of the year, andddd then he faces the weekly high scorer. He's getting knocked out quicker this year than a girl at a Stanford Swim Team kegger!
Most people who give up on Fantasy Football leave at least 3 paragraphs stating that they are giving up on Fantasy Football before they give up on Fantasy Football. I'm just trying to determine if this is a Sacko Suicide or a Sacko Homicide because it didn't take too long this year for Ed to just kind of give up on Fantasy Football.
To this recap, Odell Beckham (like Cam Newton, but I'll get to that later) is a gift that keeps on giving. I present to you:
Odell Beckham's Sunday . . .
A Visual History!
5.) #2 Dickhead (3-0) 135.4 pts
8==D
#11 Sope Pro (0-3) 115.1 pts
JR Says 0 Barn Burners!
Sope Pro is clearly drawing this year's Skipler curse starting off at 0-3 with the highest points allowed in the league.
I just want to eat some Memberberry pie and remember the good old days when I didn't lose this many times until week 12.
This one was a Monday Night Football goddamn highway robbery!
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Don't worry, there will be shenanigans right around the corner!
(Where are ya Ed!?)
It's all good because Sope Productions is under the control of a new signal caller who will bring me straight TO THE TOP!
4.) #1 Mississippi Mud Butts (3-0) 96.2 pts
8==D
#7 Larry Cocks (1-2) 85.0 pts
JR Says: 1 Barn Burner! (Almost forgot what they look like)
Weeks is having a great season so far. As if his team could not get any better this week he added the TIME CHILD himself:
Don't worry, after a long dry spell this was just a sampling of Barns Burning to get your ginnies tingling for what is coming up next.
3.) #5 Twatty (2-1) 104.5 pts
8==D
#9 Reverse Cow Girls (1-2) 97.2 pts
JR Says: 2 Barn Burners! (That's more like it fuckers!)
Watts always has strong starts to the season while not really scoring all that many points. I couldn't imagine a league with Watts as the champ but I could imagine him taking all the winnings and blowing it on getting his asshole bleached.
In other news, I found this. The internet is a very very weird place boys and girls . . .
2.) #10 Polk High Panthers (1-2) 120.2 pts
8==D o o o (Pacman style kidney stones)
#6 Skipler (1-2) 115.5 pts
JR Says: 2 Barn Burners!
Fern finally wins! I'd go out with him and celebrate the occasion but recently he has had some medical issues that you already know about if you know him closely. Doctors orders say that he is not allowed out of his house without his wife and/ or kid.
Hungarian surgeon (who was responsible for Fern's recent procedure Dr. Courtsier Sakoff, says that he is to remain in solitary confinement and is not to bro down for a single NFL game.
When he looking for a second opinion, Fern contacted Spanish physician Dr. Juerdo Ballsgo and he concurred that there is no time for bro time in Fern's future. Hmmm, it all makes sense now.
1.) #3 Land of the Lost (3-0) 81.8 pts
8==D
#4 Butt Fumblers (2-1) 79.1 pts
JR Says: 3 Barn Burners!
Now it absolutely pains JR to make such a low scoring shit show the main event of the week, but a < 3 point differential match up is what it is. . . fucking awesome. Antonio Brown could fart on the field and boom, 3 points! I will however show some favoritism in ranking this match up so high. It definitely helped sway the judge (me) due to the fact that these 2 R-Tards are solely responsible for the Millennial's leap frog into the lead of the Sacko Civil War.
I have way too much material for this match up but let's start off with the best part. Wirty's typical dark cloud season is brewing already as his team was dealt a major blow this week:
(The embed probably isn't going to work on this site, so for the love of god please click this link):
https://www.facebook.com/fakesportscenter/videos/984214861706001/?hc_ref=PAGES_TIMELINE
<div class="fb-video" data-href="https://www.facebook.com/fakesportscenter/videos/984214861706001/" data-width="500" data-show-text="false"><blockquote cite="https://www.facebook.com/fakesportscenter/videos/984214861706001/" class="fb-xfbml-parse-ignore"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/fakesportscenter/videos/984214861706001/"></a><p>Live look in at Josh Gordon on his first day of rehab... 😂😂😂
LIKE - Fake SportsCenter and Total Pro Sports</p>Posted by <a href="https://www.facebook.com/fakesportscenter/">Fake SportsCenter</a> on Thursday, September 29, 2016</blockquote></div>
Another Ernie win = another embarrassing outfit comparison for his starting quarterback!
I see this face in your future Ernie, as the beginner's luck has to run out. IT HAS TO!
Wirty tries to have a good time in the league but it always ends up with some asshole talking about vaginas and balls and then photo shopping dicks in his mouth! Everything sucks!
Look at things on the bright side. You didn't have the worst week in QB HISTORY WHAT THE FACKKKK:
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