EDDY SACKO AND THE DEATHLY SWALLOWS
Week 10/11/12 Recap
but really
Playoff/ Sacko Bowl Preview
Week 10 HS - Twatty 149.1 pts
Week 11 HS - Skipler 136.0 pts
Week 12 HS - Skipler 132.4 pts
Sacko Civil War Update:
Team Colonoscopy: 6,962.5 pts
Non Dousches: 7,214.1 pts
6.) #11 Eddy Sacko (3-9) 103.4 pts
#7 Dickhead (6-6) 70.3 pts
JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!
I am just going to go ahead and start the recap with this pic:
Back to the match up, some might call it poetic justice, but this was more of a tea bagging than anything else. Dickhead SEB this time and with potential devastating effect.
Eddy Outlook: Clinched Sacko playoff berth. We have a rare Sacko Bye preview next week when #11 Eddy Sacko plays #12 Taco Enoksen. Pretend to be excited, because it is not very exciting. Over/Under in Vegas would be 105 points combined for this match up. Ed can escape a Sacko Bye with a Win next week PLUS an Ernie (Land of The Lost) Loss or a Twatty Loss while outscoring Twatty by 46 pts. Yeah, let's keep it that you just need Ernie to lose.
Dickhead Outlook: Holds tiebreaker over all 7-5 teams but only needs to jump one of them via a Loss to get in. Next closest 7-5 team in points is Larry Villains with 35 less points. It does come down to a Win next week vs Twatty in a Superbowl rematch and you'll basically be in as two 7-5 teams (Mississippi Mud Butts and Skipler) play each other and one has to lose. That is, unless they tie. A loss here and a Sacko Mike-Hunting you will go.
5.) #8 Suck my Clinton-Dix (6-6) 109.6 pts
#1 The Butt Fumblers (9-3) 80.1 pts
JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!
Tommy/ Jay sure made things interesting for playoff positioning with a win vs the "Top" team. Wirty is still somehow someway in 1st and even more surprisingly in 1st after dropping Keenan Allen in this season's RTARD MOVE OF THE YEAR!
SmCD Outlook: Still alive. Barely, but alive.
How to make the Playoffs:
1- Win vs Ernie (easiest part by far)
2- Larry must lose and outscore Larry by 30 points.
OR
Dickhead AND Weeks must both lose
OR
Dickhead must lose AND Skip must lose AND you must outscore Skip by 10 points
Wirty Outlook: Clinched Playoff berth. Would be set for a 1st round bye but has WAY less points than Sope and 23 less points than PHP so it is a possibility to be leapfrogged by both teams by posting a Loss combined with a Sope and Polk High Win and not outscoring PHP by 23 points. Basically Wirty needs a Win or a loss and a Sope loss to clinch a 1st round bye.
4.) #12 Reverse Cow Girls (3-9) 110.5 pts
#10 Land of The Lost (4-8) 85.8 pts
JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!
Although it was not as dramatic this time around, Ernie followed through with another Epic 2nd half collapse. It has just been that kind of season.
For every good thing:
Something bad happens:
Johnny E aka the Roster Mule really fell from grace this season. It is going to be really unfortunate displaying the Sacko Trophy thanks to helping your buddies with "trades".
RCG Outlook: Dead last. Neck in neck with Ed to see who is this year's Ed. Needs a Win vs Ed next week and an Ernie loss in order to escape a Sacko bye. Here is hoping that JE and Ed tie and both get stuck with byes, because comedy.
Ernie: Clinched Sacko berth. Simple equation here. Win and you are safe from a Sacko bye. Lose and you are inevitably getting a sacko bye (unless Ed and JE tie).
3.) #4 Larry Villains (7-5) 109.8 pts
#9 Twatty (4-8) 102.1 pts
JR Says: 2 Barn Burners!
Well, if you were ever wondering why late season "I'll give you my 2nd round pick next year because you are already torpedoing the season, Ed" trades technically are not a thing and really shouldn't be a thing at all just ask Twatty about this one. The results would look way different if it weren't for Leveon Bell's involvement.
It has been a lackluster Championship defense year for good Old Gwatty.
Twatty outlook: Clinched Sacko playoff berth. Has the most points out of the bottom 4 teams (both 4-8 and 3-9). To get a Sacko bye, Twatty would have to lose next week vs Dickhead in the Superbowl Re Re match. Ed would need to beat Johnny E and outscore Twatty this week by 40+ points. Who am I kidding, you are not reading this far. Just beat Dickhead.
Larry Villains Outlook: Win vs Sope and you'll make the playoffs. To miss the playoffs, you need to lose AND Dickhead needs to win AND Tommy/Jay need to win and outscore Larry by 30 points. So your'e saying there's a chance?
2.) #5 Skipler (7-5) 132.4 pts
#2 Sope Pro (8-4) 124.9 pts
JR Says: 2 Barn Burners!
4 game Win streak puts Skipler right in the middle of the playoff picture.
Goddamn Kamara. Sope of course gets 2nd highest score after an early game Julio Jones throttling, only to lose to the highest scorer. And I didn't even get to touch the money.
Sope Outlook: Clinched playoff berth. Can clinch a first round bye with a win and can go as high as #1 with a Wirty loss against PHP.
Skipler Outlook: To make the playoffs, needs a W next week vs Mississippi Mud Butts in a pivotal 7-5 vs 7-5 last week match up. If Skipler losses, he can still make the playoff if 2 of the 3 happens:
1- Larry losses, and Skip outscores Larry by 23 points.
2- Dickhead losses.
3- Tommy losses OR Tommy wins but scores with 7 points less than Skipler.
1.) #3 Polk High Panthers (8-4) 117.4 pts
#6 Mississippi Mud Butts (7-5) 114.4 pts
JR Says: 3 Barn Burners!
At least Zay Jones is a thing now:
The Polk High Browns have been streaking while MMB is the classic "I'm not dead yet!" story of the league this year.
PHP Outlook: Clinched playoff berth. Can snag a 1st round bye with a win vs Wirty next week. Can go as low ats the 6th seed with a loss based on a lot of specific scenrarios that personally I don't feel like diving into this late in the recap.
MMB Outlook: Currently clinging to the final playoff spot. A win next week vs 7-5 Skipler and MMB is in the playoffs. A lose, and then MMB realistically needs both Dickhead and Tommy/Jay to lose Or have Dickhead lose and Tommy/Jay win but still score 37 less points than MMB.
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