Sacko Bowl
Week 12
Playoff Preview
Week 11 High Scorer:
The Butt Fumblers
131.8 pts
Week 12 High Scorer:
Dickhead
144.3 pts
Sacko Civil War (Last update before final score and Oh Baby is it close!)
Old Fuckers: 7,644.3 pts
Young Studs: 7,632.3 pts
6.)#7 Suck my Clinton Dix (6-6) 85.1 pts >
#9 The Butt Fumblers 52.5 pts (5-7)
JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!
Suck my Clinton- Dix Outlook: 2 big wins in a row in 2 laughable match ups (winning with 83.5 pts and then 85.1 pts) puts him just out of playoff contention. Call him the Ultimate Opportunist. This week opportunity strikes for SmCD as he goes against fellow 6-6'er Ernie and his 6 game losing streak. This is effectively week 1 of the playoffs for Ernie and Tommy. SmCD needs a win and a loss by either Sope/ Twatty/ Skipler or he can realistically pass Skipler (27 pt difference) IF everybody wins.
The Butt Fumblers Outlook: Talk about inconsistency. BF got the high score last week, putting up 131.8 pts vs Reverse Cow Girls and then he mustered up 52 points against SmCD in what is probably (I don't really know and I'm not fucking checking) the lowest amount of points scored in a week this season. Sacko Bowl it is!! Wirty is eliminated from the real playoffs but is safe from a Sacko bye so this week's match up vs Polk High will be purely for Sacko Bowl posturing.
5.) #4 Sope Pro (6-6) 128.1 pts > #6 Skipler (6-6) 91.6 pts
JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!
Skipler Outlook: Skipler had a key win last week vs current fellow 6-6'er Twatty and then a key loss this week versus current fellow
6-6'er Sope Pro. This puts Skipler right in the middle of the 6-6 cluster fuck. Unfortunately, next on the schedule for Skipler is #2/ Highest point scorer Mississippi Mud Butts. Good luck. At #6 and 6-6, Skipler needs a win and to hold off the winner of the super important match up between Ernie (-30 pts) and Tommy (-17 pts). A loss vs Mississippi next week and Skipler will be headed for his 2nd consecutive Sacko Bowl appearance.
4.) #1 Dickhead (10-2) 144.2 pts >
#11 Lady Boy Jansson (4-8) 118.7 pts
JR Says: 0 Barn Burners !
Dickhead Outlook: Unfortunately you read that correctly. He's not just the #1 Dickhead in our hearts, Dickhead is sill #1 with one week to go. Goddammit. He has a first round bye locked up and can only go as low as #2 with a loss and a Weeks win. This week Dickhead gets Highest Scorer against the poor poor Lady Boy Jansson/ Ed and his yambag/ the Jacksonville Edguars. I am starting to notice a trend that the team that finishes the regular season in 1st always has Ed on the schedule twice. Hmmmmm? EJ was lucky last week, contributing to Ernie's 0-6 slide but this week he plays the desperate 6-6 Twatty and I am hearing from my little birds that there are attempted Shenanigans in play.
Lady Boy Jansson: Is Ed in the Sacko Bowl? Does a bear shit in the woods? Does the Tin- Man have a sheet metal cock? Is a frog's ass water tight?
YES!
Poor Edward put up 2 solid efforts with 112 pts in a win vs Larry Rocks and 118 in a loss vs Dickhead this week. Next week he plays the 7-5 Reverse Cow Girls. He needs a win and a Larry Rocks loss or a loss and a Larry loss paired with 35 more points scored than Larry this week to get out of his current Sacko Bowl bye predicament.
3.) #2 Mississippi Mud Butts (9-3) 137.9 pts >
#12 Polk High Panthers (3-9) 117.4 pts
JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!
Mississippi Mud Butts Outlook: MMB lost in an upset to the ever- studly Sope Pro last week but rebounded nicely this week putting up 137.9 against hard luck loser Polk High Panthers. MMB looks to continue rolling to knock Skipler out of playoff contention this week. MMB may be locked in for a first round bye, but there is some importance left for next week's match up, if MMB wins and Dickhead loses, MMD will be #1 and have 2/3 of the Triple Crown completed. This is a feat that Sope Pro once completed 2/3 qualifications of and a feat that Ed has successfully completed for the Triple Brown.
Polk High Panthers Outlook: This was the season that could have been for PHP. Who would have thought in the Summer that the team that traded for the #1 pick on top of keep the projected #1 RB (Gurley)would be in last place with a week to go in the regular season. Polk High had a tough loss this week after cashing it in against Suck my Clinton- Dix last week, putting up only 54 pts. The only bright spot is that PHP has more points overall than Ed and Larry so a Win this week and loss by those two = Sacko bye safety. So you're saying there's a chance??? Polk high takes on 5-7 Butt fumblers who have 0 momentum at the moment.
2.) #3 Reverse Cow Girls (7-5) 97.1 pts >
#8 Land of the Lost (6-6) 79.5 pts
JR Says: 0 Barn Burners!
Reverse Cow Girls Outlook: Johnny E has not been putting up #'s lately but still finds himself in 3rd place with a week to go. Tough loss last week vs high scorer Wirty then an easy win vs The Human Sob Story Ernie. JE can't get a bye but is a lock for the playoffs. The old dude's group effort team aka Reverse Cow Girls is noting if not consistent, always toward the top but never at the top.
Land of the Lost Outlook: Poor Ernie. The Martyr. The Patron Saint of the Sacko Bowl. He died for our sins, will he be resurrected with a win this week? Recent history says NO. Quick recap on Ernie's life situation, he started 6-0 and just lost 6 in a row. If he had ONE win in the past SIX weeks he would be fine for the playoffs. Now he is on the outside looking in. But all is not lost, JOSANA! He plays 6-6 Suck my Clinton Dix. He needs a win this week for sure, but he also needs a loss by either Sope/ Twatty/ Skipler because this losing streak has not been kind on his "Points Forced" and he will lose tiebreakers with any relevant teams. The hardest part about making the playoffs for Ernie will surely be the part where he has to get an actual WIN because it has been almost 2 months since his last one.
1.) #10 Larry Rocks (4-8) 82 pts >
#5 Twatty (6-6) 72.4 pts
JR Says: 1 Barn Burner! (woo hoo!)
Larry Rocks Outlook: On the bright side, Larry Rocks is currently avoiding a Sacko bye at #10. Larry is still a lock for the Sacko Bowl (again) and you'd have to figure he's one of the Sacko favorites (again). Larry beat Twatty this week but took an important loss against Ed the week earlier. With a win this week vs Sope Pro, Larry will be in 1st round Sacko action trying to get out. If he losses and either Ed or Fern win, Larry will be right back into Sacko bye position. So just win and you'll avoid being stuck on the bench for the 1st week of the Sacko Bowl until the reverse semis.
Twatty Outlook: Here is another RTard that hasn't won a game in over a month. Twatty dropped their last 4, putting up less than 90 points each time versus Larry (sigh) and Skipler (dammit). Twatty needs a Win next week vs Dickhead or a Skipler or Sope loss to get in.
No comments:
Post a Comment